It is so calming, marriage.

"It is so calming, marriage." These words, spoken by the esteemed Ruby Dee, carry a quiet yet profound truth about the power of union and the deep peace that can come from a shared commitment. In a world that often moves at a relentless pace, marriage, in its most sacred form, can be a refuge—a sanctuary where two souls intertwine to create a sense of stability and calmness in the midst of life’s turbulence. Dee’s reflection is not about the simple logistics of marriage, but about the deep emotional resonance it brings to one’s spirit. It is, in her words, a balm for the soul—a source of comfort, support, and serenity in the complexities of life.

In the ancient world, marriage was often seen as the foundation of both personal identity and society. For the Greeks, marriage was a partnership that extended beyond the individual couple, influencing the social fabric of the entire city-state. Socrates and his contemporaries often spoke about the importance of the home as a place of harmony and balance, a microcosm of the larger world. Marriage, for the ancients, was not merely about romantic love but about creating a sustained, nurturing space where individuals could find mutual support and emotional grounding. To be united in this sacred bond was to create a foundation from which one could face the world with a sense of calm and purpose.

Ruby Dee’s words echo this ancient ideal, suggesting that marriage is not a burden or an institution to be endured, but a source of peace and stability. In her view, marriage provides the emotional anchoring that helps individuals weather life’s storms. Think of the ancient couples like Cleopatra and Julius Caesar, or Abraham and Sarah, whose unions, though complicated by politics and personal trials, were also profound in their support of each other. These partnerships, though often marked by struggle, were also spaces where both individuals could find solace in knowing they had one another to rely upon.

In modern history, one need only look at the marriage of Coretta Scott King and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., whose relationship was a source of both emotional and intellectual strength. Coretta, as a steadfast partner to Dr. King, helped to ground him in moments of doubt and personal turmoil. Her support was a calming force in the face of the violent struggles they both endured during the Civil Rights Movement. Their marriage was more than a legal union—it was a partnership built on shared vision and mutual respect, a calming force in the chaotic storm of social upheaval. The peace that Coretta and Dr. King found in one another was not just a result of love, but of shared responsibility, solidarity, and a commitment to strengthening each other’s resolve.

The concept of calm in marriage is further illustrated by the example of Ruth Bader Ginsburg and her late husband, Martin Ginsburg. Ruth often spoke of how her husband’s support and encouragement were instrumental in her pursuit of a career in law, a field dominated by men at the time. Their marriage was a partnership of equality, where each supported the other's dreams, ambitions, and growth. Martin’s belief in Ruth’s work allowed her to thrive, and Ruth’s support allowed him to be successful in his own career. Their union was a constant source of peace and strength, a reminder that marriage, when it is truly mutual, can provide calm in the midst of the challenges of life.

The lesson we take from Ruby Dee’s reflection is one of understanding and appreciation for the deeper role that marriage can play in one’s life. Marriage is not a contest or a game; it is a partnership where the commitment to each other’s well-being fosters a sense of calm and security. In a world that can often feel overwhelming, marriage offers a foundation upon which to build a life of meaning and purpose. It is not the absence of difficulty, but the presence of a supportive partner that brings peace.

In our own lives, we can draw strength from the example of Ruby Dee and those who have come before us. If we are in relationships, we must nurture them not just as a means of personal fulfillment, but as a shared journey that allows both partners to find calm in each other’s presence. Let us also be mindful that, while marriage may be a powerful source of peace, it requires effort, understanding, and a deep commitment to creating a space where both partners feel heard, valued, and supported. Through this mutual commitment, we can create a sanctuary that provides the peace we need to face life’s challenges with strength and clarity.

In the end, marriage, in its truest form, is not a fleeting moment of joy, but a steadying force that shapes us, calms us, and helps us become the best version of ourselves. Whether it is the example of the ancients or the modern-day couples who inspire us, let us remember that the true beauty of marriage lies not in the superficial highs, but in the deep, abiding peace it offers as we walk through life’s journey together. Marriage is, after all, a sanctuary, a place where we find calm, support, and the courage to face all that life holds in store.