Marriage is a custom brought about by women who then proceed to

"Marriage is a custom brought about by women who then proceed to live off men and destroy them, completely enveloping the man in a destructive cocoon or eating him away like a poisonous fungus on a tree." These sharp words from Richard Harris paint a grim picture of marriage, portraying it not as a union of love and partnership, but as a parasitic system that drains the life from the man, consuming his essence and binding him in a cocoon of dependency and decay. To see marriage in this light is to view it as a trap, a place where a man, once free and full of potential, becomes ensnared, his vitality sucked away, leaving him a shadow of his former self. Harris speaks with the fire of disillusionment, and in doing so, he touches upon the darker view of marriage that some have held throughout history, one that sees the institution not as liberating, but as stifling.

In the ancient world, marriage was often viewed as a contract, a binding agreement that linked families and ensured the survival of lineages. In many cases, especially in the Greek and Roman societies, marriage had little to do with romantic love but was instead a social obligation designed to secure power, wealth, and property. The roles within these unions were clearly defined, with men holding dominion outside the home and women primarily tasked with maintaining the household and raising children. For the man, marriage could have been seen as a duty—one that ensured the stability of the family and society, but also a means of perpetuating his legacy. The woman, on the other hand, was bound to this system as a caretaker, a mother, and often, an object whose worth was determined by her ability to bear children and maintain the home. The ancient Greeks, for example, considered the ideal marriage as one that fulfilled these roles and nothing more, with little room for the flourishing of individual desires or emotional fulfillment. Harris’ view, though dark, can be seen as an echo of this oppressive view of marriage, where personal sacrifice and subjugation to tradition were the prevailing norms.

In the Middle Ages, marriage was regarded as a sacred contract, sanctified by the church. Yet even during this time, there were many who believed that the institution of marriage could lead to male oppression, as the wife was seen not only as the partner but also as the subject of the husband's authority. Chaucer’s "The Canterbury Tales" reflects the tension between the expectations of marriage and the frustrations that arise when these societal roles are rigidly defined. The Wife of Bath, in her tale, speaks boldly about how marriage has been a means for women to gain power and security, but she also hints at the ways in which marriage can become a battle of wills, with the woman wielding a subtle form of control over her husband. This was a nuanced reflection of the marital dynamic, showing that while women could suffer in marriage, they could also possess a certain power within it. Harris’ words take this further into the realm of destruction, suggesting that the dynamics of marriage, especially when it comes to women’s power over men, lead to the complete erosion of the man’s vitality.

In modern times, the view of marriage has evolved, but the tensions Harris points to remain. The feminist movement of the 20th century, led by women like Simone de Beauvoir and Betty Friedan, revealed the ways in which marriage had historically been an institution that limited the freedom of women, confining them to the domestic sphere. However, in doing so, this also cast a shadow over the experience of men in marriage. The traditional expectations that men must be the sole providers and protectors, often at the cost of their own emotional well-being and personal freedom, have placed a burden on many, leading to the metaphorical idea of being eaten away by the responsibilities of the union. For Harris, this interpretation of marriage as a destructive force reflects a critique of the gender roles that have long defined it.

Yet, there is another perspective on marriage that counters this view. Consider the story of Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera, whose marriage was often turbulent and complex but also deeply filled with respect for each other’s individual creative genius. Their union was not one of complete subjugation or destruction, but one that challenged both of them to grow as artists and as people. While their relationship was fraught with difficulties, it demonstrated that marriage can be a place where both partners challenge each other and evolve—where a person’s individuality is not destroyed, but nurtured. Kahlo and Rivera’s union, though far from conventional, reminds us that marriage can be a partnership where both individuals bring their full selves into the relationship, sharing power, respect, and creative freedom.

The lesson that Richard Harris provides, though stark, should not be ignored. It is a warning about the potential pitfalls of marriage, where one partner, often the man, can become trapped in the roles defined by societal expectations. However, it is equally important to acknowledge that marriage can evolve, and it is not inherently a destructive force. The true meaning of marriage lies in the choice to enter into a partnership where both individuals are free to express their full selves, to support and challenge one another in equal measure. Equality, mutual respect, and the willingness to grow together—this is the foundation of a healthy marriage, one where both partners can thrive.

Thus, as we move forward, let us carry the lessons from Harris’ words and reflect on the true nature of marriage. Let us reject the idea of marriage as a trap that consumes and suffocates, and instead, embrace it as a partnership of equals, where both individuals are empowered, respected, and allowed to grow. Marriage, in its truest sense, should not destroy or envelop anyone in a cocoon of suppression, but should be the meeting of two souls who seek to create a life together, not at the cost of their individuality, but through the celebration of it.