It's a lot of work to make a marriage work. Just because you have

In the heartfelt and enduring words of Malaika Arora Khan, we find a truth as old as love itself: “It’s a lot of work to make a marriage work. Just because you have been married for a while doesn’t mean you can sit back and relax. You still have to be on your toes. A marriage needs constant attention.” These words carry not the fleeting charm of romance, but the steady pulse of wisdom born of experience. They remind us that marriage, unlike a jewel that shines without care, is a living flame that must be tended, fed, and protected. It is not a prize to be possessed, but a practice, a continual act of effort, patience, and renewal. Malaika’s words call to those who believe love can sustain itself without tending—and warn them gently that neglect is the shadow that dims the brightest bond.

The origin of this quote comes from the reflections of Malaika Arora Khan, an Indian actress and dancer known not only for her artistry but also for her candor about life’s challenges. In speaking of her own experiences, she gives voice to what countless couples across time have learned: that love, if left unattended, fades into routine, and routine, if left unchallenged, becomes distance. Her insight is not cynical—it is reverent. She understands that to nurture a marriage is to engage in a sacred labor, one that demands presence and humility. For even the longest-lasting unions can falter if the partners forget that attention is love made visible.

The ancients knew this truth well. The Greeks spoke of eros and agape—passionate and selfless love—and warned that both require discipline. The Hindus, too, saw marriage not as an indulgence, but as a samskara, a sacred duty of the soul’s evolution. In the East and West alike, wise ones taught that love’s endurance depends not on fate but on effort—on the daily tending of two hearts striving toward harmony. As Malaika reminds us, you still have to be on your toes; love does not thrive in complacency. It is like a garden that blooms only under care: neglect it, and weeds of resentment and boredom will grow where blossoms once thrived.

Consider the story of Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor and philosopher, and his wife Faustina. Their marriage was marked by difficulty—distance, rumor, and the heavy burdens of rule. Yet Marcus, in his private Meditations, wrote not of bitterness but of gratitude. He praised her patience, her strength, and her partnership in all things. He understood, as Malaika later would, that marriage is labor, not leisure. Through effort, he turned strain into understanding and routine into reverence. His devotion was not born of perfection, but of practice. And in that practice lay his peace.

In every age, the same truth resounds: love is not sustained by time—it is sustained by attention. Many believe that years together are a guarantee of stability, but time, left unaccompanied by effort, becomes a thief rather than a gift. Familiarity can dull what once burned bright, and small neglects can become great distances. The wise, therefore, do not rest on love’s past glories; they tend to it as though it were new each morning. They speak, they listen, they forgive, they try again. They know that marriage is not a resting place—it is a journey without an end, where every step requires awareness.

Malaika Arora Khan’s teaching carries this ancient rhythm: that love must move, breathe, and evolve. To “be on your toes” in marriage is to remain alert to your partner’s heart—to notice when joy fades, when silence grows, when the flame weakens. It is to choose kindness over pride, curiosity over assumption, presence over comfort. Such vigilance is not burden—it is devotion. For just as the sailor must adjust his sails to the wind each day, so must lovers adjust their hearts to the seasons of each other’s souls.

The lesson, then, is both practical and profound: marriage is not maintained by love alone, but by work that honors love. To those who wish their union to last, Malaika’s words are a summons: tend to your bond daily. Speak not only when there is trouble, but when there is peace. Offer gratitude as often as advice. Remember that attention is the highest form of affection, and that comfort without care breeds distance. As the sages of old taught, the flame that endures is not the one that burns fiercest, but the one that is watched, fed, and cherished through every night.

So let her words echo across generations: “A marriage needs constant attention.” Let every husband and wife, every partner and beloved, take this truth to heart. For love, though divine in essence, lives in the human realm—it is kept alive not by fate, but by choice. Choose, therefore, to tend to it daily. Choose to be awake within it. And if you do, your love will not wither with the passing years, but will grow ever deeper—rooted in effort, crowned in tenderness, and radiant as the dawn of a life shared well.