I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they

When Elayne Boosler said, “I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me,” she wrapped a blade of truth in the silk of humor. Beneath the laughter lies a profound reflection on society’s judgment, on how the world measures a woman’s worth not by her soul, but by her conformity to expectation. Boosler, one of the pioneering female comedians of her time, spoke not merely as a performer, but as a philosopher of laughter — one who exposes human folly by dressing it in wit. Her words unveil the ancient tension between authenticity and acceptance, between the individual’s truth and the world’s demand for normality.

In her jest, there is sorrow. For what does it mean when one must feign failure to appear acceptable? To say “I’m divorced” instead of “I’ve never married” is to acknowledge a cruel paradox — that society finds brokenness more comprehensible than independence. A woman who has married and lost is understood; a woman who never married is questioned, suspected, even pitied. This irony reveals how deeply the chains of convention have wrapped around human thought. The world, in its hunger for categories, mistrusts those who walk alone.

Boosler’s era — the late twentieth century — was one of awakening, when women began to rise on stages once forbidden to them, to speak truths long silenced. Yet even as they claimed their voices, they faced the lingering shadows of old expectations. To be unmarried was seen not as a choice but as a deficiency, a flaw to be explained. Boosler, through her sharp humor, turned that stigma upon itself. By joking that she pretends to be divorced, she exposed the absurdity of a society that respects the wound more than the freedom that avoids it. Her laughter became a weapon — light in form, but heavy in meaning.

Throughout history, many have faced this same suspicion of the independent spirit. Consider Joan of Arc, the maiden warrior of France, who was scorned by men not only for her visions, but for her virginity — for her refusal to marry, to bow, to belong. To many, her purity of purpose was unnatural, even threatening. They could not believe that strength could exist outside the bonds of domestic life. And so they burned her, not for her crimes, but for her difference. Boosler’s quote, though spoken in humor, echoes that same ancient fear — the world’s distrust of those who do not fit its mold.

The meaning of her words stretches beyond gender or marriage. It speaks to the universal pressure to disguise one’s truth in order to belong. Every person who has ever hidden a dream, softened a truth, or masked a freedom to avoid the stare of others, knows the weight of this line. To live honestly is to risk misunderstanding. To choose one’s own path — whether that means solitude, creativity, or an unconventional life — is to invite judgment from those who cannot imagine another way. And so many, like Boosler, wear masks of irony to survive among the self-assured.

Yet the deeper wisdom here is not bitter, but liberating. Boosler’s humor teaches us that the only antidote to judgment is self-acceptance. When she jokes about pretending to be divorced, she is not surrendering to convention; she is mocking it, showing that laughter can disarm the absurd. The one who can laugh at the world’s expectations has already transcended them. In this way, her jest becomes a mirror — reflecting how much of what we call “normal” is merely fear disguised as tradition.

The lesson is simple yet profound: never apologize for your path. Whether married or single, joined or solitary, your worth is not measured by others’ comfort with your choices. Those who fear difference will always invent stories to explain it — do not let them write yours. Live with courage, even if the crowd whispers. Let your truth, not their approval, define you.

Practical actions for the seeker of freedom:

1. When others question your choices, respond not with anger, but with calm humor — for laughter reveals more wisdom than defense ever can.

2. Remember that solitude is not emptiness; it is space where your spirit breathes.

3. Refuse to measure your worth by milestones set by others — marriage, wealth, or acclaim. True success is peace within yourself.

4. Embrace authenticity as your rebellion — the quiet, radiant act of being wholly who you are.

For as Elayne Boosler reminds us, the world may find independence strange, but that strangeness is the mark of the free. Better to be misunderstood in truth than admired in imitation. The laughter of the self-knowing soul is the most defiant sound in the world — and it is the sound of freedom.