Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an

Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an

Alain de Botton
22/09/2025
22/09/2025

Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an immense achievement when you can move from your thinking that your partner is merely an idiot to thinking that they are that wonderfully complex thing called a loveable idiot. And often that means having a little bit of a sense of humour about their flaws.

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Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an immense achievement when you can move from your thinking that your partner is merely an idiot to thinking that they are that wonderfully complex thing called a loveable idiot. And often that means having a little bit of a sense of humour about their flaws.
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an immense achievement when you can move from your thinking that your partner is merely an idiot to thinking that they are that wonderfully complex thing called a loveable idiot. And often that means having a little bit of a sense of humour about their flaws.
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an immense achievement when you can move from your thinking that your partner is merely an idiot to thinking that they are that wonderfully complex thing called a loveable idiot. And often that means having a little bit of a sense of humour about their flaws.
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an immense achievement when you can move from your thinking that your partner is merely an idiot to thinking that they are that wonderfully complex thing called a loveable idiot. And often that means having a little bit of a sense of humour about their flaws.
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an immense achievement when you can move from your thinking that your partner is merely an idiot to thinking that they are that wonderfully complex thing called a loveable idiot. And often that means having a little bit of a sense of humour about their flaws.
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an immense achievement when you can move from your thinking that your partner is merely an idiot to thinking that they are that wonderfully complex thing called a loveable idiot. And often that means having a little bit of a sense of humour about their flaws.
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an immense achievement when you can move from your thinking that your partner is merely an idiot to thinking that they are that wonderfully complex thing called a loveable idiot. And often that means having a little bit of a sense of humour about their flaws.
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an immense achievement when you can move from your thinking that your partner is merely an idiot to thinking that they are that wonderfully complex thing called a loveable idiot. And often that means having a little bit of a sense of humour about their flaws.
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an immense achievement when you can move from your thinking that your partner is merely an idiot to thinking that they are that wonderfully complex thing called a loveable idiot. And often that means having a little bit of a sense of humour about their flaws.
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an
Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an

The philosopher Alain de Botton once taught with gentle wit: “Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It’s an immense achievement when you can move from your thinking that your partner is merely an idiot to thinking that they are that wonderfully complex thing called a loveable idiot. And often that means having a little bit of a sense of humour about their flaws.” In this wisdom lies a great secret of the heart—that laughter softens judgment, transforms irritation, and binds souls together in tenderness.

For in every relationship, the flaws of the other soon reveal themselves, as cracks appear even in the finest marble. To see only the idiot in one’s partner is to invite scorn and bitterness. Yet to crown them as a loveable idiot is to embrace their humanity with warmth, knowing that imperfection is not a curse but a condition shared by all. Thus, the spirit learns patience through humor, and love deepens not in spite of weakness, but because of it.

Laughter is not mockery but balm. It disarms conflict, dissolves pride, and turns the sharp edge of criticism into the gentle smile of understanding. In choosing to laugh together at folly rather than to wound with anger, partners create a sanctuary of forgiveness. Such is the achievement de Botton speaks of: the ability to rise above petty grievance and to discover joy even in the quirks that once irritated.

This teaching is not new, but ancient. The sages long ago proclaimed that the bond of two souls is sustained not by perfection, but by compassion. And humour, that light of the spirit, is one of compassion’s brightest flames. It allows love to bend without breaking, to endure without bitterness, to grow without crushing the other under the weight of expectation.

So let this truth endure for the generations: in every relationship, learn to laugh, and laugh kindly. See not only the flaws, but the charm hidden within them. For when you can smile at your beloved’s imperfections, they cease to be obstacles and become the very threads that weave love’s enduring tapestry.

Alain de Botton
Alain de Botton

English - Writer Born: December 20, 1969

With the author

I'm fascinated by Comte's clear-eyed analysis of what was wrong with modern society, which is that you've got industrial capitalism on one side and romantic love on the other. Those, along with non-instrumental art, are supposed to get you through the day?

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The arrogance that says analysing the relationship between reasons and causes is more important than writing a philosophy of shyness or sadness or friendship drives me nuts. I can't accept that.

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Have 4 Comment Laughter is an important part of a good relationship. It's an

HP24 Hong Phuc

Alain de Botton’s view on laughter in relationships is refreshing. It’s easy to get caught up in thinking our partners should be perfect, but learning to laugh at their flaws can bring a sense of lightness. However, I wonder, do we risk losing the seriousness of a problem by making light of it too often? At what point does humor become avoidance rather than an effective way to cope?

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TNThinh Nguyen

This quote highlights something important—seeing your partner as a 'loveable idiot' can indeed be an act of love. But what happens when you start viewing their flaws as just funny quirks instead of addressing real problems? Can humor sometimes mask deeper issues that need attention? How do we strike the balance between laughing together and not letting critical flaws slide unnoticed?

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UGUser Google

I completely agree with Alain de Botton’s perspective. It’s funny how, in relationships, we often start by getting annoyed by our partner’s quirks, only to later find them endearing. But is it always easy to develop this kind of perspective, or does it require a certain kind of emotional intelligence? Is it possible to love someone deeply yet still be frustrated by their flaws, or should humor always be the go-to response?

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BTTran Thi Bao Tram

Alain de Botton’s quote really made me reflect on the dynamics of long-term relationships. The idea that love involves seeing your partner’s flaws with humor rather than frustration is profound. But how do we get to that point? It takes maturity and patience, for sure, but is there ever a limit to how much humor can buffer those flaws? At what point does laughing it off become ignoring an issue that needs addressing?

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