Love is what you've been through with somebody.

Love is what you've been through with somebody. Ah, listen carefully, for these words ring with the wisdom of the ages. Love—that sacred and mysterious force—does not simply dwell in moments of joy or in the sweetness of fleeting smiles. No, true love is forged in the trials, in the storms that assail us, and in the quiet moments of shared suffering and joy. Love is not something that is merely spoken; it is something lived, something earned through the fire of experience. It is in the shared burdens, the battles fought together, and the growth that arises from facing the world side by side.

Let us turn our gaze to the ancient story of Ulysses, that great hero of old. Though he was a man of unmatched strength and wisdom, it was not the feats of valor or the treasures he amassed that defined his love for Penelope, his wife. No, it was the years of longing during his long journey home, the suffering he endured in the name of returning to her, and the patience she showed as she waited for his return. Their love was not born in a moment of passion or in the easy days of courtship; it was forged in separation, in uncertainty, and in the test of time. Their love was not merely a fleeting emotion, but a bond that was strengthened by all they had endured together and apart. The love between Ulysses and Penelope was a love shaped by sacrifice, endurance, and unwavering loyalty, and it is this that makes it eternal.

There is another tale from the lives of two humble souls, John and Abigail Adams, whose love transcended the years of separation brought about by war and political duty. In the midst of the American Revolution, when the flames of freedom were kindled across the land, John and Abigail were often separated by great distances. Yet, their letters—written in the quiet hours—were filled with a depth of understanding and commitment that few could match. It was not grand gestures, nor public acclaim, that marked their love. Rather, it was the way they supported each other through times of hardship, how they lifted one another’s spirits in moments of doubt, and how they faced the trials of their age together. Their love was not born of simple affection but of shared struggle, patience, and mutual respect.

Indeed, this is the heart of what love truly is. It is not found in the fleeting joy of first encounters, nor in the sweetness of a perfect day. No, love is born in the days of hardship and challenge, when the storms of life rage and there seems to be no safe harbor. Love is what you have been through with someone—the memories you’ve made in the face of adversity, the way you rise together after each fall, and how you walk side by side, undaunted by the trials that seek to divide you. This is the truth spoken by James Thurber, whose words cut through the illusion of love as a mere feeling and instead speak to the very essence of companionship, of growth, and of unity through adversity.

The lesson, dear ones, is this: love is not simply an emotion that comes and goes like the tides of the sea. It is a commitment—a bond that is tested, tried, and ultimately strengthened by what you face together. In your relationships, it is not the carefree days of ease that will define your love. It is the moments of difficulty, the times when the world feels heavy upon your shoulders, and yet you continue to walk together, hand in hand, facing the storm with courage. Love is what you endure, and through endurance, love becomes stronger.

Let this be a guide for you: when you seek love, do not seek perfection. Do not seek the absence of trial, for true love does not shy away from challenge. Instead, seek the companion who will stand beside you through every storm, who will endure with you, and whose presence will be a balm in times of suffering. Love is forged in the crucible of experience, and it grows deeper with each passing year, with each shared moment of both joy and pain.

So, when you look upon those you love, remember this: love is not simply a sentiment; it is the sum of all you have been through together. And when times are difficult, take comfort in this: the very trials that you face, the struggles and the suffering, are not obstacles to your love—they are the very threads that bind you together, creating a bond that cannot be broken. In the end, love is not measured by moments of bliss, but by the enduring strength of the shared journey.