Marriage isn't a carnival ride.

"Marriage isn't a carnival ride." These powerful words spoken by Aisha Tyler serve as a sharp reminder that marriage—that sacred union between two individuals—is far from a fleeting or superficial experience. It is not something that exists for the purpose of temporary thrills or shallow pleasures, like a carnival ride that lasts only a few moments before it comes to an abrupt halt. Instead, marriage requires commitment, work, and a depth of understanding that extends far beyond the surface level. Tyler’s words demand that we reconsider the common misconceptions surrounding marriage, urging us to view it as a serious bond grounded in mutual respect, effort, and long-term dedication.

In the ancient world, the concept of marriage was viewed through a very different lens than the often romanticized version we encounter today. For the Greeks and Romans, marriage was primarily a social contract, often designed to secure alliances between families, preserve wealth, and produce heirs. While love was certainly a part of the equation for some, it was not always considered the central or defining factor of a successful marriage. The Romans especially saw marriage as a duty to family and society—less a whimsical journey of pleasure and more a responsible commitment to legacy and duty. In this context, the idea that marriage is not a transient ride, but a sustained effort, would have made perfect sense. The ancients, much like Tyler, understood that to build something of value—be it a relationship or an empire—requires consistent work and devotion.

This idea is echoed in the works of Aristotle, who defined the good life as one rooted in virtue and purpose. Marriage, for him, was not about a fleeting desire or momentary joy, but about the partnership that allows two people to live in accordance with virtue and create something greater than themselves. For Aristotle, marriage was about shared goals, common values, and long-term growth, not about indulging in temporary pleasures or seeking constant gratification. This ancient wisdom aligns with Aisha Tyler’s message: marriage should not be treated as something that offers immediate or superficial rewards, but as an ongoing, evolving partnership that demands commitment, sacrifice, and understanding.

Consider the lives of Antony and Cleopatra, whose relationship, though filled with passion and intrigue, was ultimately a partnership of duty and political necessity. While their love was certainly genuine, it was also tied to the survival of their empires, and they navigated their bond with an eye on both personal fulfillment and the larger societal goals. Their union—though fraught with tragedy and betrayal—demonstrates that marriage is not merely about riding the highs of infatuation, but about sustaining a relationship through challenges, responsibilities, and complex realities. Even when the carnival ride of their romantic life came to an end, the legacy of their political marriage endured as a reminder of the deeper purpose behind marriage—to create something lasting, even if it requires great sacrifice and struggle.

In more modern times, we can look to the example of Michelle and Barack Obama, whose relationship has been one of public admiration and personal strength. The Obamas’ marriage, while a beautiful love story, is also an example of the hard work and commitment that marriage requires. They have spoken openly about the struggles they faced—balancing careers, raising children, and navigating public scrutiny—yet they continue to stand as a unified front, working together to fulfill their shared values and goals. Michelle Obama herself has spoken about how a successful marriage is built on effort—it’s not always easy, and it’s certainly not about constant enjoyment or external validation. Rather, it’s about making the decision every day to work together, support each other, and grow as individuals and as partners.

The lesson from Aisha Tyler’s words, and from the stories of those who have come before us, is one of clarity and realism. Marriage is not a momentary pleasure or a ride that provides endless thrills, but a deep commitment that grows and strengthens over time. Marriage requires that we be not just lovers, but partners—engaged in a constant effort to understand, respect, and care for one another. Tyler’s message reminds us that commitment is at the heart of marriage, and that the true rewards of a lifelong partnership come from facing the difficulties together and building something enduring. It’s not about the fleeting excitement of a carnival, but the sustained joy of knowing that we’ve worked together to create something real, lasting, and meaningful.

In our own lives, we must remember that marriage—like all meaningful relationships—requires effort. Whether we are married, in long-term partnerships, or navigating relationships of any kind, we must ask ourselves: are we committed to putting in the work to sustain these connections? Are we willing to move beyond the initial rush of romance and see our partnerships for what they truly are—long-term commitments that require nurturing, patience, and understanding? Marriage is not about seeking constant entertainment or superficial pleasure, but about creating a partnership that is grounded in mutual respect and a shared vision for the future. Let us embrace this deeper understanding of marriage, knowing that the true joy lies not in the momentary highs, but in the enduring strength of the bond we build together.