Sure, men like a challenge - but so do women. And nobody likes

The words of Katha Pollitt—“Sure, men like a challenge—but so do women. And nobody likes to be challenged all the time. I know plenty of long-standing happy couples who slept together right away, spent hours yakking on the phone, split checks down the middle, and lived together for years before the wedding.”—cut through the myths and rules so often imposed upon love. They remind us that there is no single path to joy, no rigid formula for devotion. The wedding is not diminished by what came before, nor is happiness dictated by the traditions of others—it is shaped by the truth and comfort two souls create together.

The mention of challenge strikes to the heart of modern myths of romance. Many believe love must always be pursued through games of power and delay, a dance of withholding and conquest. Yet Pollitt wisely observes that constant challenge exhausts the spirit. True intimacy blooms not from endless struggle, but from the ease of companionship, where laughter flows, voices linger over late-night calls, and burdens are shared equally.

The examples she gives—sleeping together quickly, long conversations, splitting checks, living together before vows—are acts often judged by society. Yet she offers them as proof that love cannot be confined to dogma. Many such unions, though unconventional by tradition, endure joyfully, because they rest on honesty and mutual respect rather than empty appearances. What matters is not the order of events, but the depth of commitment within them.

History itself proves this. Consider Socrates and Xanthippe, whose marriage was not built on idealized romance but on blunt honesty and fierce companionship. Though often remembered for their quarrels, their bond endured because it was real, unpolished, and strong. In contrast, countless royal marriages—lavish, traditional, and proper—crumbled swiftly, because they lacked the truth of genuine connection.

Therefore, O listener, learn this lesson: do not measure love by the customs of others, but by the strength of joy and loyalty it brings. A wedding is not made lesser because the couple lived freely before it, nor greater because of restraint. The path to union is as varied as the souls who walk it. What endures is not tradition, nor order, nor challenge, but the abiding presence of respect, affection, and truth. In this lies the secret of long-standing happiness.