Tell me who admires and loves you, and I will tell you who you

"Tell me who admires and loves you, and I will tell you who you are." These profound words by Antoine de Saint-Exupery invite us to look closely at the relationships we cultivate, for they reveal more about us than we often realize. The people who love and admire us are not mere bystanders in our lives; they are mirrors reflecting the qualities that others see in us. Saint-Exupery reminds us that love and admiration are not arbitrarily given—they are earned through the way we live, act, and embody the values that we hold dear. Our character, then, is not just a matter of our own self-reflection, but is defined by the ways in which we inspire others to see the goodness, virtue, and honor within us.

In the ancient traditions of the Greeks, it was believed that the soul of a person could be seen not only in their actions, but in the relationships they fostered. The philosopher Aristotle wrote extensively about friendship and love, asserting that the quality of our relationships is a mirror of our inner selves. He understood that a person’s true nature could be perceived through the way they interact with others. For Aristotle, the people who were drawn to a person—those who admired or loved them—were not attracted by superficial traits but by the deep qualities they embodied, whether they were honorable, wise, or kind. Saint-Exupery’s quote speaks to this same truth: that the love we receive is a reflection of our character and the virtue we project into the world.

Consider the story of Alexander the Great and his relationship with his closest companions. Hephaestion, his beloved friend and confidant, was not only a loyal companion but a reflection of Alexander’s greatness. Their bond was not rooted in political gain but in mutual respect, admiration, and love. Alexander’s greatness, as seen through the eyes of Hephaestion, was not just in his military conquests, but in the qualities that Hephaestion valued in him—the courage, generosity, and vision that Alexander projected. Alexander’s greatness was recognized and affirmed by those who loved him, showing that the love of others often points to the qualities that are most valued in us. In this way, Alexander’s life was shaped and defined by the admiration he received, which reflected his true nature.

Similarly, the relationship between Queen Elizabeth I and her courtiers reveals much about her own character. As a monarch, Elizabeth was both loved and admired for her wisdom, resilience, and leadership. But it was not just her position that inspired admiration—it was her ability to inspire loyalty and devotion in her subjects. Elizabeth’s ability to command respect and affection was a reflection of the strength, intelligence, and courage she embodied as a ruler. Her courtiers, by their love and admiration, demonstrated the power of her moral integrity and wisdom, which transcended her royal title. The admiration Elizabeth received was not simply due to her authority, but because she embodied qualities that were deeply admired by those around her.

Saint-Exupery’s wisdom suggests that we are, in part, defined by those who choose to stand beside us, love us, and admire us. If we are surrounded by loyal friends, honorable companions, and people who admire our virtues, then we must ask ourselves: what do these relationships say about the person we are? Are we generous, kind, and wise? Do we inspire others to be their best selves? It is through the admiration of others that our character is ultimately validated. Our loved ones serve as a reflection of the virtue we cultivate and the energy we emit into the world.

The lesson here is clear: the people who love and admire us are the best judges of our true character. Their affection is not born from superficial qualities, but from a deeper recognition of who we are at the core. Saint-Exupery calls us to live in such a way that we attract the admiration of those who reflect the best parts of ourselves. If we want to understand our nature, we need only look at the quality of the relationships we have. Are we surrounded by individuals who encourage our growth, who support us unconditionally, and who hold us to our highest potential? If so, then we can be assured that we are living a life of integrity and virtue, and that our love and admiration are earned.

In your own life, consider the relationships you cultivate. Are they reflective of the qualities you wish to embody? Do the people around you inspire you to become a better version of yourself? If so, take pride in the fact that their admiration and love are a reflection of the strength, courage, and goodness you have nurtured within. If not, let this be a call to examine your own actions and character. Love and admiration are not given lightly—they are earned through self-awareness, compassion, and the courage to live by your highest ideals. In this way, your relationships can become the mirror that reflects your true self, guiding you on the path to authenticity and virtue.