The secret to success, to parenting, to life, is to not count up

Regina Brett, survivor, writer, and voice of endurance, once declared: “The secret to success, to parenting, to life, is to not count up the cost. Don’t focus on all the steps it will take. Don’t stare into the abyss at the giant leap it will take. That view will keep you from taking the next small step.” In these words is hidden the wisdom of perseverance, the ancient art of pressing forward when the road ahead appears overwhelming. She speaks not merely of goals and achievements, but of the very way one must live in order to endure trials and reach the summit of one’s calling.

The essence of her counsel lies in the danger of gazing too long at the immensity of a task. Life is vast, its challenges often towering. Parenting, in particular, can feel like standing at the base of a mountain whose peak is hidden in clouds. To focus too heavily on the enormity of the climb is to paralyze the spirit. Brett reminds us that the only way to conquer the impossible is not to leap across it in one bound, but to take the next small step, again and again, until the distance is crossed.

History offers us countless examples of this truth. Consider Nelson Mandela, who endured twenty-seven years of imprisonment before leading his nation to freedom. Had he stared daily into the abyss of decades in chains, despair might have crushed him. Yet he survived by taking each day as it came, step by step, cultivating patience and strength. When freedom arrived, it was not because he had calculated every step of the journey, but because he refused to stop walking. Brett’s wisdom echoes Mandela’s life: victory comes to those who do not shrink before the scale of the challenge, but remain faithful in the smallest acts of courage.

In parenting, this teaching is particularly vital. A parent may look at the long years of responsibility, the countless lessons to teach, the fears and dangers their child will face, and feel swallowed by dread. But to dwell on all these at once is to be consumed by worry. Instead, the parent must choose the step that is before them: to listen to their child’s cry, to guide them through one day of struggle, to offer one more word of encouragement. These small steps, repeated daily, build into the great work of raising a human soul.

Brett also speaks to the subtle poison of counting the cost. When one measures too much—the time, the sacrifice, the pain—the heart grows weary before the work has even begun. Great achievements in life are never made by those who endlessly calculate what they will lose, but by those who keep their eyes on what can be gained. To focus on the abyss is to surrender to fear; to focus on the step is to walk with courage.

The lesson for all generations is this: do not be terrified by the size of your journey. Whether you are building a family, pursuing a dream, or enduring hardship, resist the temptation to stare at the mountain in despair. Instead, narrow your gaze to the step before you, and take it with faith. Tomorrow’s step will come in its time, and the path, though long, will eventually bring you to the place of victory.

Therefore, let Brett’s words be remembered as a shield against despair: when the task feels unbearable, look not at the abyss, but at the ground beneath your feet. Lift one foot, then the other, and trust that persistence will carry you where fear says you cannot go. For in the end, the giant leap is nothing more than many small steps taken with courage.