Too often, we get attention and sympathy by being a victim. If

"Too often, we get attention and sympathy by being a victim. If we're invested in someone being our villain, we must love being the victim. We have to let go of both characters in the story." These words by Regina Brett carry a profound truth about the human tendency to cling to victimhood and the comfort that comes from casting others as the villain in our personal narratives. In this powerful reflection, Brett reveals the nature of self-sabotage that arises when we define ourselves by the roles of victim and villain, roles that can entrap us in a cycle of blame, resentment, and emotional dependency. It is easier to remain in this space, to rely on sympathy and attention from others, than to confront the discomfort of self-awareness and personal growth.

In every story, there are two familiar roles that emerge: the hero and the villain. But what if the hero and villain are not external figures, but internal ones, played out in the daily lives of every individual? To be the victim means to be at the mercy of forces beyond our control, to believe that life happens to us, and that we are powerless to change it. The villain, meanwhile, becomes the one who stands as the obstacle to our peace, the cause of our suffering. Brett suggests that we often choose these roles, investing in the narrative of victimhood because it brings with it certain benefits: attention, sympathy, and even validation. By embracing the role of the victim, we absolve ourselves of responsibility, and by casting someone else as the villain, we divert attention away from our own shortcomings or the uncomfortable truths we must face.

History is filled with examples of individuals who fell into this trap of victimhood. Nelson Mandela spent much of his early life fighting against the oppression of the South African apartheid system. In his youth, he could have easily seen himself as a victim of an unjust society, oppressed by forces beyond his control. Yet, despite the immense hardships he faced, Mandela chose not to define himself by his suffering. Instead, he took responsibility for his actions, viewing his struggle as a call to action rather than a justification for anger or resentment. Even in the harshest of times, he refused to fall into the victim role, and in doing so, he ultimately helped transform his nation.

Another striking example is that of Mahatma Gandhi, who, during the struggle for India's independence, could have easily played the role of the victim. The British Empire had a history of brutal repression, yet Gandhi rejected the victim mentality. Rather than focusing on the wrongs inflicted upon his people, he chose a path of non-violence and personal accountability. His vision for independence was not rooted in revenge against the oppressor but in the creation of a just, peaceful society. Gandhi’s refusal to remain a victim is perhaps his greatest lesson: that true freedom comes not from defeating an external enemy but from freeing oneself from the internal victim mindset.

Brett’s words remind us of the power we hold when we choose to move beyond victimhood and villainy. These roles, though they offer a sense of control over our circumstances, also enslave us. By clinging to them, we remain stuck in a loop where we are constantly reacting to forces outside of our control, instead of stepping into the full power of who we are. The hero’s journey, however, is about personal responsibility. It is about letting go of the victim role and the need to define others as villains. Instead, we must take ownership of our actions and choices, and recognize that the real battle lies within—against our own limiting beliefs, our fears, and our unwillingness to take responsibility for our part in the narrative.

The lesson here is one of empowerment. To release ourselves from the roles of victim and villain is to step into a higher level of self-awareness and personal growth. It is to embrace the possibility of change and to recognize that, while we cannot control everything in life, we have the power to choose how we respond to our circumstances. The more we attach ourselves to these roles, the more we give away our agency, allowing ourselves to be trapped by the narrative we create. But when we let go of both roles—the victim and the villain—we step into our full humanity and potential, no longer confined by the stories we tell ourselves.

In practical terms, this means recognizing moments in our own lives when we are playing the role of the victim. When things go wrong, do we seek sympathy and validation from others, or do we take responsibility and seek a way forward? Similarly, when we find ourselves casting someone else as the villain, are we projecting our own insecurities and unresolved issues onto them? Let us challenge ourselves to let go of these limiting roles. Instead of seeing life as a battle between heroes and villains, let us see it as an opportunity for growth, understanding, and compassion. When we free ourselves from these roles, we become the authors of our own story, able to write a narrative that is not defined by suffering or blame, but by empowerment, growth, and healing.

Thus, let us heed Regina Brett’s wisdom and strive to live lives not as victims or villains, but as whole, empowered individuals. By recognizing the roles we play and choosing to move beyond them, we open ourselves to the possibility of transformation—both in our own hearts and in the world around us. The true path to healing and growth lies in letting go of the limiting stories we have told ourselves and others, and stepping into the role of the creator of our own lives.