We often pretend to fear what we really despise, and more often

Host: The room feels introspective as Jack and Jeeny sit across from each other, reflecting on the deeper meaning of Charles Caleb Colton's words. His quote suggests a complex relationship between fear and disdain, offering a lens through which to understand how our emotions can often be contradictory.

Jack: “Charles Caleb Colton said, ‘We often pretend to fear what we really despise, and more often despise what we really fear.’” He repeats the words thoughtfully, considering the nuance behind them. “It’s a fascinating concept, isn’t it? The idea that our true feelings — whether they’re fear or disdain — can be hidden behind a facade. We might act like we fear something, but deep down, we might actually despise it. Or, we might think we dislike something, but it’s actually fear driving our emotions.” He looks at Jeeny, curious. “What do you think? Why do you think we sometimes mix up fear and disdain like this?”

Jeeny: “I think it’s because both fear and disdain are rooted in the unknown or in discomfort. Fear often comes from something we don’t fully understand or something that challenges us, while disdain can stem from something we feel superior to, or something that makes us uncomfortable. But those emotions are so closely tied. Often, we don’t want to admit to ourselves that we fear something, so we push it away by expressing disdain. It’s like a defense mechanism, to protect ourselves from confronting that fear.” Her voice is calm, but filled with a deep understanding of the complexity of emotions. “We act like we despise things because it’s easier than admitting that we’re afraid of them, whether that’s a person, a situation, or even a concept.”

Jack: “That makes a lot of sense. It’s easier to say we don’t like something or that we despise it than to acknowledge that it’s actually fear holding us back. Fear can make us feel vulnerable, and by expressing disdain, we shield ourselves from confronting that vulnerability. It’s almost like pretending the problem isn’t there.” He pauses, reflecting on how often people avoid their true feelings. “I guess it’s easier to push something away than to face the deeper, more uncomfortable emotion behind it.”

Jeeny: “Exactly. Disdain is often a way of distancing ourselves from what we truly fear. When we despise something, we can convince ourselves it has no value or power over us. But fear is trickier — it lurks beneath the surface and can make us act in ways we don’t fully understand. It’s not always obvious that we’re afraid. Instead, we cover it up with disdain, telling ourselves we don’t want anything to do with it.” Her voice softens, almost empathetic, as she reflects on how difficult it can be to face fear directly. “Fear can be uncomfortable because it makes us confront our weaknesses, our insecurities, or our lack of control. So, instead of addressing it, we might choose to dismiss or mock what we fear, thinking it’s less of a threat that way.”

Jack: “I think I’ve definitely done that before — acting like I don’t care about something or brushing it off when, deep down, I’m actually afraid of it. It’s easier to act like I’m not interested or that it’s not worth my time than to face the fact that it’s something I’m afraid of. It’s a protective mechanism, but it doesn’t really help us grow.” His voice grows more reflective, as he thinks about his own experiences with fear and disdain. “Maybe the key is recognizing when we’re doing that, when we’re using disdain to hide fear, and then confronting the fear directly instead of avoiding it.”

Jeeny: “Exactly. The first step is awareness — recognizing when we’re disguising fear with disdain. Once we see it for what it is, we can begin to address the fear more honestly. It’s uncomfortable at first, but facing that fear can lead to growth, understanding, and sometimes even release. When we stop pretending and start acknowledging what we really feel, we can begin to move through fear instead of letting it control us.” She smiles gently, a sense of peace in her words. “Facing our fears head-on, without pretending they’re something else, is how we build resilience.”

Jack: “I think I’ve been so focused on avoiding things I fear by pushing them away with disdain, but now I see that it’s actually the opposite that we need — to face those things, to feel the fear, and then move through it. That’s where the real growth happens.” His voice softens with realization. “It’s about confronting what we fear, not pretending it’s something we don’t care about.”

Jeeny: “Exactly. When we face fear directly, we take away its power over us. Disdain only keeps us stuck in avoidance, but confronting fear allows us to move forward with more confidence and self-awareness.” She smiles warmly, filled with understanding. “It’s not easy, but it’s the only way to truly grow.”

Host: The room feels still, filled with the understanding that fear and disdain are often intertwined, but the key to growth lies in recognizing when we’re using one to cover up the other. Jack and Jeeny have uncovered that facing our fears directly, instead of pretending they don’t exist or expressing disdain, is the path to deeper understanding and personal growth. Charles Caleb Colton’s words remind us that confronting our true feelings, rather than masking them, is the way to move forward with clarity and strength.

Jack: “I think I’ve been using disdain to hide from my own fears, but now I see that real growth comes from acknowledging those fears and confronting them.” His voice is softer, filled with appreciation. “It’s about being honest with myself, instead of pretending something isn’t a threat when it really is.”

Jeeny: “Exactly. The only way to overcome fear is to face it directly, not avoid it. When we confront our fears, we take away their power and make space for growth.” She smiles gently, her voice filled with peace. “When we stop pretending and start confronting our true feelings, we unlock the potential to move forward and evolve.”

Host: The room feels lighter now, filled with the understanding that acknowledging and confronting our fears is the key to breaking free from avoidance and disdain. By facing what we truly fear, we allow ourselves to grow and move forward with greater self-awareness and strength. Charles Caleb Colton’s words encourage us to look honestly at our emotions, not to disguise them, but to use them as a pathway to growth and transformation.