We're living in a time when parenting is not at all mirroring

The words of Edie Falco—“We’re living in a time when parenting is not at all mirroring the way I was parented. For me, I just followed my parents around on their errands; when they were busy on the phone, I was quiet. It’s a different kettle of fish these days: They run the house, and you listen to their music, and you go to their appointments.”—speak to a great turning of the ages. They unveil the contrast between the discipline of the past and the freedoms of the present, between a generation raised in quiet submission and a new one raised in loud expression. What she reveals is not only the changing nature of family life, but the shifting values of entire societies.

In the ancient world, children were often expected to be shadows of their parents—walking quietly, obeying swiftly, speaking only when spoken to. This was seen as proper order, the way of harmony within the household. Yet as times change, so too do the rhythms of family life. Now, as Falco observes, children do not merely follow; they lead. They command the household’s rhythms with their needs, desires, and schedules. To the eyes of those who grew up in stricter eras, this may seem strange, even backward. Yet it is also a reflection of how societies have come to value the voices of the young.

Consider the story of the philosopher Seneca, tutor to the boy who would become Emperor Nero. In the Roman way, the child was molded by the elder, expected to conform to the wisdom and customs of the parent. Yet even Seneca, in his writings, acknowledged the force of youth—that children often shaped their elders as much as they were shaped themselves. His pupil, Nero, became infamous for ignoring counsel and demanding the world bend to his will. While tragic in his case, this history shows that even in ancient times, children were never passive clay alone. They had influence, they had power, and their parents, whether they wished it or not, were changed by them.

Falco’s confession—that she once moved silently while her parents spoke, and now finds herself listening to the music of her children—illustrates this reversal. It is a mirror turned upside down: where once children adapted to the lives of adults, now adults adapt to the lives of children. Some call it indulgence, others call it progress. Perhaps it is both. For in every age, the pendulum swings: discipline hardens, then gentleness softens, then balance is sought again. Parenting, like history itself, is never fixed, but ever in motion.

The meaning of her words, then, is not merely nostalgia but wisdom. She reminds us that parenting has changed, and that to understand this truth is to see that no generation raises its children in the same manner as the one before. The tools of technology, the voices of culture, the pressures of time—these all reshape the home. What remains eternal is the bond of love, though its form may shift with the ages. Parents of today may surrender more ground, but they also gain new forms of closeness, new ways of hearing their children’s souls.

The lesson is clear: do not cling blindly to the past, nor surrender blindly to the present. Instead, learn from both. Parents must not forget that discipline and boundaries anchor a child, just as they once did in earlier times. But they must also recognize that listening, adapting, and allowing the young to express themselves gives them the courage to walk their own path. Balance must be sought: the harmony of voice and silence, of guidance and freedom, of tradition and change.

Therefore, let the parent of today take practical actions: set boundaries, but listen deeply. Share your world, but enter theirs. Teach discipline, but also humility, knowing that children will shape you as much as you shape them. Do not fear the shifting tides of parenting, for each age calls for its own wisdom. Instead, walk boldly in the present, drawing strength from the past but not chained by it.

Thus, Edie Falco’s words become a torch for future generations: the way of parenting changes, but the heart of parenting endures. The form shifts, the roles bend, but love remains the guiding star. Let every household remember this truth, so that whether parents lead or children set the pace, all walk together toward the fullness of life.