What the bride should do is call guests who have young children

In the words of Letitia Baldrige, we are offered the wisdom of grace, the art of maintaining dignity and kindness even in delicate matters. She speaks of the bride, who must sometimes tell her guests that their young children cannot be accommodated at the wedding. Yet instead of sternness or exclusion, she counsels gentleness: a personal call, an expression of affection, and a promise of future hospitality—“When we return from our honeymoon, we will have you over.” Thus, necessity is softened by warmth, and disappointment is transformed into continued friendship.

The ancients, too, revered the art of diplomacy. Cicero, master of oratory, taught that truth must be spoken, but in such a way that it does not wound unnecessarily. Just as a physician applies balm before the cut, so must the bride’s words soothe even as they set boundaries. In this balance lies the essence of etiquette: to speak firmly without cruelty, to honor the needs of the moment while preserving the bond of affection.

Her counsel also reflects a deeper truth about celebration and community. A wedding is a finite space, bound by limitations of room, budget, and formality. Yet it is also an event that ties together relationships beyond the day itself. Baldrige’s advice shows that the true strength of a wedding lies not only in the feast or ceremony, but in how it nurtures bonds of friendship and kinship even beyond its walls. To acknowledge the absence of children while promising a future gathering is to honor both the day and the relationship.

History gives us reflection in the reign of King Solomon, famed for wisdom. When confronted with disputes, he sought paths that preserved dignity for all parties involved. His judgments were not only about justice but about maintaining peace in the community. In the same way, Baldrige’s words show that how one communicates matters as much as what is said; etiquette is not shallow ritual, but a tool for peace and harmony.

Therefore, let this wisdom endure: boundaries spoken without kindness breed resentment, but boundaries spoken with grace deepen respect. The bride who calls with warmth turns a potential offense into an act of inclusion, for she assures her friends that their presence still matters, even if their children’s cannot. In this lies the heart of Baldrige’s teaching: that true elegance is not in gowns or silverware, but in the way we guard love, friendship, and dignity even when we must say “no.”