When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy

Hear the words of Stephen Covey, a master teacher of human wisdom: “When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.” In this truth lies a principle as old as humanity itself—that hearts are not opened by force, but by compassion. For when one soul feels truly seen and understood, fear loosens its grip, and in its place rises trust, harmony, and the power to create solutions together.

To show empathy is not merely to listen with ears, but to listen with the heart. It is to step outside your own narrow vision and enter the world of another, seeing as they see, feeling as they feel. In such moments, walls of pride and suspicion crumble. What was once tense with resistance becomes open to possibility. Covey teaches that in this sacred exchange, defensive energy is transformed into positive energy, and where there was once conflict, there is now the soil in which cooperation and creativity can flourish.

The ancients, too, honored this law of the heart. The philosopher Epictetus taught that to understand another’s pain was the beginning of virtue, and the Buddha spoke of karu??—compassion—as the force that dissolves suffering. Even in the scriptures, it is written: “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” These truths echo Covey’s wisdom: empathy disarms, and once disarmed, the human spirit is free to imagine new ways forward, unclouded by fear.

History bears powerful witness to this principle. Consider the work of Nelson Mandela. After twenty-seven years of imprisonment, he emerged not with vengeance but with empathy for those who had once oppressed him. By reaching into their humanity, he dissolved their defensive energy and replaced it with positive energy, building bridges where there had only been walls. This posture allowed South Africa to begin healing from the deep wounds of apartheid. Without empathy, chaos would have followed. With empathy, a nation glimpsed the possibility of reconciliation.

The lesson is clear: force may win compliance, but only empathy wins hearts. Creativity cannot flow in an atmosphere of fear, for the mind contracts and the spirit resists. But when one feels understood, the mind expands, and the spirit is emboldened. Ideas spring forth, cooperation becomes possible, and solutions once hidden reveal themselves. Empathy, then, is not weakness—it is a force of transformation, the key to unlocking human potential.

But this path requires humility. To practice empathy, you must silence your urge to dominate, to be right, to impose. You must instead yield your pride and give another the sacred gift of being heard. This surrender is not loss—it is victory of a higher kind, for in giving another dignity, you multiply your own. And in the exchange, both emerge stronger, united in the pursuit of creative answers that neither could have discovered alone.

Practical steps flow from this teaching. In your daily encounters, listen not with the intent to reply, but with the intent to understand. Ask questions that invite others to share their true feelings, and honor their words without judgment. When conflict arises, resist the instinct to defend; instead, seek first to understand. Practice seeing others not as obstacles, but as souls carrying burdens you cannot yet see. In this way, you create the conditions for positive energy to grow and for true problem-solving to flourish.

So remember Covey’s counsel: Show deep empathy, and defensive energy dissolves. In its place rises positive energy, and with it, the power to be more creative in solving problems. This is not merely a tool for leadership or negotiation, but a way of life. Walk this path, and you will transform not only conflicts, but relationships, families, communities, even nations. For empathy is the bridge by which humanity moves from division into harmony, and from despair into hope.