When you're thinking about building your own online dating

In the words of Sam Yagan, “When you’re thinking about building your own online dating profile, especially on OkCupid, you should go through the same steps you’re thinking about when you’re going out to meet someone new. You want to put your best foot forward.” — there shines not merely a reflection on the rituals of the modern age, but a timeless truth about the presentation of the self. Though spoken in the context of technology and digital courtship, the wisdom here echoes principles known since the dawn of civilization: that first impressions are the gates through which trust, connection, and destiny must pass. In every era — whether through the written letter, the spoken word, or now the glowing screen — the art of introduction remains a sacred one, demanding sincerity, preparation, and care.

The origin of this saying lies in the new realm of human interaction — the digital agora, where strangers meet not face to face, but through words and images projected into the ether. As the co-founder of OkCupid, Sam Yagan understood that even in this virtual world, human nature does not change. The longing for companionship, the desire to be understood, the fear of rejection — these remain eternal. Thus, when he advises that one should “go through the same steps” online as in life, he bridges the ancient and the modern. He reminds us that technology may alter the tools, but not the truths of human connection. The heart still seeks what it always has — authenticity wrapped in its best form.

From the earliest societies, the act of courtship has been one of presentation and preparation. In the old villages and empires, men and women adorned themselves, spoke with measured grace, and carried themselves with dignity to signal both respect and readiness. It was never about deceit, but about the sacred ritual of putting forth one’s best self — the side of the soul most capable of love, generosity, and hope. The ancients understood that this effort was not vanity, but reverence for the potential of encounter. For love, they knew, is not a casual transaction; it is the meeting of two worlds, each deserving of honor.

Consider, for instance, the tale of Queen Esther from ancient Persia. Before appearing before King Ahasuerus, she spent twelve months in preparation — not merely adorning her body, but steadying her mind and purifying her spirit. When she finally entered his presence, her beauty was matched by her wisdom, and her composure became her power. Her readiness saved her people. Though her story belongs to another time, the lesson is eternal: to put one’s best foot forward is not to disguise who we are, but to refine who we are — to present the soul in its fullest light, with intention and grace.

Yagan’s advice may seem simple, but beneath it lies the ethic of intentional living. To prepare for love, friendship, or any great encounter is to acknowledge that these moments matter — that they deserve thought and effort. The storyteller, the artist, and the lover all share this same truth: the world will meet you as you present yourself. Therefore, the wise cultivate awareness in both inner and outer expression. Whether composing a profile or entering a room, one’s words, one’s tone, and one’s manner are brushstrokes on the canvas of first impression. Sincerity is the soul of charm, and care is its form.

And yet, there is a balance to be kept. To “put your best foot forward” is not to craft an illusion, but to show the truth at its most radiant. The danger of modernity — of screens and profiles — is that the mask may become the face. The ancients warned of this through myth and parable. The philosopher Socrates spoke of the sculptor who polishes the statue’s surface yet neglects the stone beneath; it gleams in the light but crumbles over time. Likewise, one must ensure that the beauty one presents is rooted in authenticity. For no artifice can sustain the warmth of genuine connection, and no perfection can replace presence of heart.

From this, let us draw our lesson: prepare with care, but remain true. When you build your image — whether for love, for work, or for the world — let it reflect your essence, not your fear. Strive to show your best self not to deceive, but to express gratitude for the chance to connect. Every meeting, whether through the gaze of another or the glow of a screen, is a mirror through which we refine our character. Ask yourself: what do I wish to offer? What do I wish to attract? For what we project into the world returns to us in kind.

Thus, in Sam Yagan’s modern counsel lives an ancient art: the art of presentation as a form of respect — for others, and for oneself. The wise do not stumble into life’s encounters unprepared; they walk with awareness, carrying both humility and dignity. So, whether you stand before a lover, a stranger, or the mirror of your own reflection, remember this: the truest preparation is not to become someone else, but to become the finest version of yourself. For every encounter — digital or divine — deserves your best foot forward, and your truest heart within.