Whenever you are too worried about someone else's approval, that

When Sherry Argov declared, “Whenever you are too worried about someone else’s approval, that person loses respect for you,” she revealed a paradox as old as human pride. Her words strike like a bell across the ages: the more desperately one seeks validation, the less worthy one appears to receive it. For true respect is not born of begging eyes and trembling hearts, but of quiet strength, confidence, and self-possession. It is a lesson that humankind must learn again and again, for we are ever tempted to barter our dignity for the fleeting coin of another’s praise.

The meaning of her words rests in the mystery of human perception. When one is too eager for approval, they cast aside their own judgment and bend their will to please another. In doing so, they reveal insecurity, a lack of inner anchor. And though the other may grant them momentary comfort, deep within, respect begins to wane. For the soul honors firmness, not flattery; it admires those who stand like mountains, not reeds that bend with every gust of opinion. Thus, Argov teaches us that to be too concerned with the eyes of others is to dim the fire of one’s own spirit.

The origin of this truth can be traced to the ancient sages. Confucius spoke that the noble man seeks approval only from within, while the petty man longs for applause from the crowd. Marcus Aurelius, emperor and philosopher, reminded himself in his Meditations that “the opinion of ten thousand men is of no value if none of them knows the truth.” Both understood that true respect flows from authenticity and strength, never from anxious submission. Argov’s words are a modern echo of this timeless wisdom.

History gives us vivid examples. Consider Julius Caesar, who commanded legions not by asking for their approval, but by embodying courage, decisiveness, and confidence. His soldiers followed him across rivers and mountains because he stood firm in his own authority. Contrast this with the last emperors of Rome, who, obsessed with pleasing courtiers and mobs, surrendered principle for popularity. Their weakness earned neither lasting respect nor loyalty, but contempt and betrayal. So too in life: those who cling to others’ approval soon find themselves abandoned, while those who command themselves inspire devotion.

We may also remember the story of Eleanor Roosevelt, who once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” She lived this truth by standing firmly for justice, even when critics attacked her relentlessly. Her strength of will inspired respect worldwide. She sought not the shallow approval of those who disdained her, but the deeper approval of conscience. In this she demonstrated the very principle Argov described: self-respect begets respect from others, while anxious seeking of approval diminishes both.

The lesson here is clear: seek not to please others at the cost of your own soul. To value yourself too little is to teach others to do the same. Stand in your truth, even if it means disapproval. Paradoxically, it is when you cease to chase approval that you begin to earn genuine respect. For strength of character is magnetic, and authenticity draws others more powerfully than the pleading desire to be liked.

Practical actions follow from this teaching. Guard your dignity by setting boundaries. Speak with conviction rather than with anxious agreement. When criticism comes, weigh it wisely, but do not be enslaved to it. Train your heart to be anchored in self-respect, so that whether others praise or condemn, your worth remains unshaken. And remember always: respect is not given to those who beg for it, but to those who live in such a way that it cannot be denied.

Thus, Argov’s words endure as guidance for all generations. They remind us that life’s true power is found not in the trembling pursuit of another’s approval, but in the steady light of self-possession. May we live so firmly and authentically that even those who oppose us cannot withhold their respect. For in this way, we walk the path of the ancients — strong, dignified, and free.