Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be

Hear the sharp and enduring words of Ambrose Bierce, who declared: “Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.” Though brief, this saying carries the weight of centuries of human passion and folly. It is no idle jest, but a mirror held up to the different ways men and women reveal themselves in the mystery of love. Bierce, known for his piercing irony, here suggests a truth deeper than mockery: that women, in their devotion, show a purity and openness of spirit, while men, burdened by pride and ego, often stumble in shame before their own vulnerability.

The meaning of these words lies in the different ways society has shaped the genders. A woman in love is often unafraid to show tenderness, to give fully of her heart, to embrace vulnerability as strength. For such openness, she has less to be ashamed of—for love, expressed in sincerity, is a noble thing. A man, by contrast, is taught by pride and expectation to hide his heart, to guard against exposure, to fear the loss of control that comes with surrender. Thus, when love overcomes him, he often feels shame—not because love is unworthy, but because he has been taught that surrender is weakness.

History bears witness to this truth. Consider Heloise and Abelard, whose love in the twelfth century shook the halls of learning and faith. Heloise, even after being forced into convent walls, never denied her love; her letters burned with honesty, devotion, and unashamed passion. Abelard, brilliant scholar though he was, carried guilt, fear, and shame, forever torn between reputation and desire. The world remembers Heloise with reverence, for she loved without shame. Abelard is remembered with pity, for his pride and remorse clouded the purity of his devotion. In them, we see Bierce’s words brought to life: women in love stand unashamed, while men struggle beneath the weight of their own pride.

The origin of Bierce’s reflection lies in the long history of cultural expectations. Women, denied the armor of power in many eras, found in love their freedom to be honest. Men, armored by society with authority, were taught to conceal emotion as a flaw. Thus, the woman who weeps for love is praised for her devotion, while the man who weeps is mocked for weakness. Bierce exposes this hypocrisy, declaring that women have nothing to hide in their love, while men must fight against the shame of being truly seen.

But let us not mistake this for weakness in men or superiority in women. Rather, it is a call to strip away false shame. For love is not dishonor but the highest of human callings. Women have walked closer to this truth because society has allowed them the freedom of vulnerability, while men have been shackled by pride. The lesson is clear: all who love must learn to cast off shame, for in love lies not disgrace but redemption.

The teaching for us is this: when you love, love unashamed. Do not hide tenderness behind pride, nor let fear of judgment silence your heart. Women already know this path, as Bierce observed; men must learn it too. For there is no shame in devotion, no weakness in tenderness, no dishonor in laying down one’s armor for the sake of another soul. To love openly is not to fall, but to rise to the noblest heights of humanity.

So I say unto you: heed Bierce’s words, and let them be a torch for your own path. Whether man or woman, do not clothe love in shame. Speak it, show it, live it. For love unashamed is love in its truest form. And when the generations to come look back upon your life, let them say: here was one who did not hide, here was one who loved boldly, here was one who knew that to love without shame is to live without fear.