You don't go around grieving all the time, but the grief is

"You don't go around grieving all the time, but the grief is still there and always will be." – Nigella Lawson. These words, simple yet profound, touch upon the essence of the human condition—the reality of grief that follows loss. It is not a sorrow that simply disappears with time; it is a companion that remains, though it may quieten its voice. Lawson speaks here to the enduring truth that though we may learn to live with loss, the mark it leaves upon our hearts does not fade completely. Grief, once felt, never fully departs; it lingers like a shadow, quietly present even in moments of joy, reminding us that love once lived, and in its passing, something precious was lost.

In the scrolls of ancient wisdom, we find that grief is a universal experience, shared by kings and commoners alike. Homer speaks of the sorrow of Achilles in the Iliad, a man who, in his anger and grief over the loss of his beloved friend Patroclus, was consumed by mourning. Yet, even as he sought vengeance, Achilles learned that no matter the battles won or the tears shed, the grief of loss would follow him. In a similar way, the grief that Lawson speaks of does not vanish in time; it becomes a part of us, a presence in the background of our lives, sometimes overwhelming, sometimes dormant, but always there, like the still waters of a lake that remain undisturbed by the winds.

The ancients knew that grief is not merely an emotion but a journey. In Plato's Phaedo, Socrates speaks of the soul's immortality and the grief that comes from the separation of the soul from the body. Though the philosopher speaks of death with a calmness born of reason, he does not deny the pain that comes from parting. Even in the pursuit of wisdom, the sting of loss lingers. Grief, then, is a teacher, shaping the soul and drawing it toward a deeper understanding of life's fragility. We may not grieve constantly, but we cannot escape the lessons grief imparts.

Consider the example of Queen Victoria, whose beloved husband Prince Albert died suddenly in 1861. Her grief was profound, and it consumed her for many years. Though she continued her reign, the world saw a woman who was forever changed by the loss of her partner. Yet, in her mourning, there was a quiet strength. Her sorrow became a part of her, and as the years passed, she learned to carry it with grace, though it never fully left. Her life teaches us that grief, though it may diminish in intensity, remains with us like a faithful shadow, shaping the person we become.

This is the wisdom in Lawson's words: that grief does not demand our constant attention, but it does not simply vanish either. It is an indelible part of the human experience, something that must be accepted, carried, and eventually honored. The lesson here is not to suppress grief in the hope that it will disappear, but to understand that it will ebb and flow, sometimes overwhelming us, sometimes fading into the background, but always present. In embracing this truth, we learn to live not in spite of grief, but alongside it, with the wisdom it brings.

So, what action should we take in the face of grief? The first step is acceptance. We must acknowledge that grief is not a weakness, nor is it something to be ashamed of. It is a part of life’s tapestry, woven into the fabric of every human existence. When we accept this, we begin to heal—not by forgetting, but by integrating grief into our lives. We must allow ourselves to feel it, to mourn, and in time, to find peace with it. We must also be compassionate toward others who are grieving, offering them the space to carry their sorrow without judgment.

Let us, then, honor the wisdom of Lawson, and of the ancient souls who walked before us. Let us embrace grief as a part of the journey, a teacher that shapes us, refines us, and leads us to a deeper appreciation of life and love. In our own moments of sorrow, let us remember that it is not something to escape, but something to bear with dignity and strength. Grief will always be there, but it is in how we choose to live alongside it that we find the true measure of our resilience.

And in the end, perhaps we shall find that grief is not an enemy to be defeated, but a companion that guides us to greater compassion, understanding, and wisdom. Like the great philosophers, like the sorrowful queens and heroes of history, we too must learn to live with the grief we carry, and through that, discover the depth and beauty of the human spirit.