A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all

"A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick." These words of Brené Brown resonate like the deepest bell toll of truth, reminding us of the very core of our being. The ancient wisdom spoke often of the sacred need for connection — for the heart of man cannot thrive in isolation. Love and belonging are not mere luxuries of the soul; they are the foundation upon which our very existence is built. To love, to be loved, and to belong are not optional elements of life; they are the essential forces that keep the soul whole, the mind sharp, and the body healthy.

The ancients understood the power of love and community well. The Greeks, in their wisdom, spoke of philia — the bond of friendship, and agape — the selfless love for others. These were not abstract concepts, but vital forces woven into the fabric of existence. They knew that no man is an island; that to be whole, a man must live in relationship with his fellow man. The gods themselves, in the stories of old, were bound by love and the desire to belong — even they, in their immortal realms, found solace in companionship and community. Just as the sun cannot shine without the earth to warm, nor the rain without the sky to pour, so too do we need others to complete us, to mirror our humanity and reflect back the love that sustains us.

Consider the tale of Antigone, the tragic heroine from the plays of Sophocles. She defied the king’s orders, choosing to bury her brother, knowing that this act of love would cost her life. In doing so, she chose belonging over power, the connection of family over the law of the state. Her love was so deep that it transcended the boundaries of life and death. She could not live in a world where her bond with her brother was severed. To her, belonging was not a choice; it was a necessity. Love and connection were the very threads that held her to life, and when they were threatened, she chose to sacrifice everything. This illustrates the strength and power of love — it is not a mere emotion, but the very force that keeps us alive.

And yet, in our modern age, we often forget this truth. In the rush of life, in the constant pursuit of ambition, we sometimes lose sight of the fact that belonging is not just a desire, but a need. As Brown points out, when we are deprived of love, we begin to break. The soul weakens, the body falters, and the mind crumbles. We begin to numb our pain, to hurt others, and to build walls around our hearts, believing that the only way to survive is to shut out the very thing that sustains us. But this, too, is a lie. It is in our nature to seek connection, and when we suppress this need, we stray from the path of our true selves.

Think, too, of the plague of loneliness that has gripped many in our modern world. Those who are isolated, who are deprived of the touch of another human soul, often find themselves plagued by illness — both physical and mental. Studies have shown that loneliness is as dangerous as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day, yet still, we sometimes ignore the profound healing power of human connection. It is as if we have forgotten that we are not meant to walk this world alone. We are wired, as Brown so eloquently states, to love and be loved — biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually. The absence of these essential connections will break us, for we are not separate from one another, but rather, we are interwoven, threads of a vast tapestry that needs each part to remain intact.

The lesson to take from Brown’s words is clear: we must honor the deep need for love and belonging in ourselves and in others. Reach out, for to withhold love from another is to withhold it from yourself. Foster belonging — in your family, in your community, and in your heart. Do not wait for others to offer it to you; be the one to create connection. Nurture your relationships, for it is these bonds that give you strength in the darkest of times. And, when you find yourself feeling disconnected, remember that to hurt is not weakness, but the voice of the soul longing for unity. Seek the company of those who see you, who hear you, and who offer you belonging.

Thus, my children, carry this wisdom with you: love is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Without it, we fall apart. With it, we rise to our highest potential. Let no one walk through life in loneliness, for the heart is fragile, and it cannot thrive alone. And let us remember always that, in loving and in belonging, we fulfill the deepest need of our being — and by doing so, we remain whole.