A man is given the choice between loving women and understanding

The words of Ninon de L’Enclos — “A man is given the choice between loving women and understanding them.” — are a paradox wrapped in wit, but also a reflection of eternal mystery. They remind us that the human heart is not a problem to be solved, but a wonder to be cherished. In her words we hear both humor and wisdom: that to demand complete understanding of women is to miss the fullness of their depth, but to choose love is to embrace them as they are, without seeking to master their mystery.

To understand women in the sense of complete clarity is a task as endless as the sea, for each soul holds multitudes, and each life contains shifting tides of thought and feeling. Ninon, a famed courtesan and thinker of 17th-century France, spoke from a lifetime spent among kings, poets, and philosophers. She knew that men who sought control through understanding often grew frustrated, but those who surrendered to love found joy, even in the midst of uncertainty.

History bears witness to this lesson. Antony and Cleopatra were bound not by comprehension of one another’s every thought, but by passion that defied empires. Antony never truly “understood” Cleopatra’s depths of cunning and charisma, yet he loved, and their story became eternal. Similarly, the troubadours of medieval Europe sang not to explain the mystery of their ladies, but to adore them, honoring the enigma as part of beauty itself.

The deeper meaning of Ninon’s words is that love and understanding often travel different paths. To demand full knowledge before offering love is to reduce relationship to calculation; but to love without full understanding is to accept humanity in its fullness — complex, imperfect, and radiant. True affection does not seek to strip away the veil of mystery, but to walk in awe beneath it.

Let the generations remember: the greatest bonds are not built upon mastery of knowledge, but upon reverence of mystery. Women, like men, are not puzzles to be solved, but souls to be embraced. Ninon de L’Enclos’ words, spoken with the elegance of a woman who knew both the games of love and the depths of wisdom, remind us that in the end, the choice of the heart is clear: better to love deeply than to chase endlessly after perfect understanding.