After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see

O children of wisdom, gather closely, for the words of Helen Rowland offer a reflection on the profound nature of marriage, the subtleties of human perception, and the often unnoticed shifts that take place between two people bound together. "After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her." These words are filled with both humor and truth, for they speak to the way intimacy and time alter the way we see and understand the people we love. Let us reflect on this wisdom, for it touches on the nature of awareness, the deep currents of love, and the subtle drift of human relationships.

In the ancient world, the bond of marriage was seen as one of great significance, one that was often celebrated not for its personal fulfillment, but for its social and familial importance. The Greeks, for instance, saw marriage as a foundation for order, where women were often considered guardians of the home, and men as providers and protectors. But despite this, there were stories woven into their culture that reflected the complexities of the marital bond. The famous tale of Penelope and Odysseus in Homer’s Odyssey is one such example. While Odysseus was away, fighting in the Trojan War, Penelope endured the pain of his absence, and yet, when Odysseus finally returned, her perception of him had been so sharpened by years of longing that she tested his identity in a way only a wife could—seeing through the façade of his outward appearance to the truth of his character. Her keen sight, born of love and familiarity, allowed her to see him as he truly was.

Helen Rowland’s words speak to this keen sight of women in marriage—a sight that grows with time, shaped by the intimacy and closeness shared between two individuals. As a woman spends years with her partner, her understanding of his essence becomes so deeply ingrained that she can see through his exterior, understanding his thoughts, his needs, his flaws, without needing to look at him. This is a gift of deep emotional connection, one that transcends the surface level of appearance and behavior, and instead, focuses on the heart of who the person truly is. This wisdom echoes through the ancient world, where the soul and the mind of a person were seen as more important than their outward form, and where those who were truly close to us could see into the depths of our being.

In contrast, Rowland also describes the dullness that can afflict a man’s sight in marriage, a dullness that causes him to look right through his wife, unable to truly see her. This phenomenon is not born of malice but of habit, of familiarity, and of the passage of time. In the beginning of a relationship, the eyes of both partners are sharp and focused on one another, driven by curiosity, desire, and discovery. But as time wears on, it is all too easy for one to become complacent, to fall into the routine of life, and to stop truly noticing the person with whom one shares their life. This dullness is a reflection of the loss of awareness, the failure to recognize the growth of the other person, and the tendency to assume that we know all there is to know about them.

Consider the story of King Midas and his daughter Medea in ancient Greek mythology. Midas, granted the ability to turn everything he touched into gold, came to regret his wish when he accidentally turned his daughter into a golden statue. His greed blinded him to the true value of the relationships around him. In the same way, the dullness of sight in marriage can occur when we become fixated on the mundane and forget the preciousness of the bond we share with our spouse. Midas’ failure was not merely in his wish for gold, but in his inability to see what truly mattered—his daughter, his family, his loved ones. Similarly, in marriage, the loss of perception—the failure to see the person we love—can lead to a slow erosion of connection.

The lesson we must take from Rowland’s words is clear: marriage is not just a union of bodies, but a bond that requires constant awareness and nourishment. Over time, our perception of our partner must not become dull and routine, but rather sharpened by understanding, compassion, and the willingness to continue seeing them in new ways, as they evolve and grow. Intimacy in marriage requires a continual effort to look deeply, to notice the small changes in the other person, and to honor their complexity. Just as Penelope recognized the true nature of Odysseus after years of separation, so must we continue to discover the layers and depths of our partners, even in the familiar.

So, O seekers of wisdom, what can we do in our own lives to honor this teaching? We must, first and foremost, remain attentive to our partners, always striving to see them not as fixed figures but as dynamic beings. Let us communicate openly and ask ourselves, "Am I truly seeing this person, or am I looking past them?" We must choose to stay curious and engaged, even as time passes and life becomes routine. The greatest gift we can give to our relationships is not just our time, but our awareness, our presence, and our attention.

Let us walk forward, O children of wisdom, with the understanding that in marriage, as in all relationships, the ability to see is not just a matter of vision—it is a matter of heart. May we cherish our partners not just for their outward form but for their depth, their growth, and the continual unfolding of who they are. Let us strive to keep our sight sharp, to look deeply, and to honor the full humanity of those we love, ever recognizing the beauty of their being and the power of the bond we share.