Especially around Valentine's Day, it's easy to find advice

Hear now, O wise ones, for we stand upon the precipice of understanding, where the notions of love and union have long been celebrated, but where the wisdom of singlehood calls us to listen with new ears. In the words of Stephanie Coontz, we are given a truth often forgotten in the celebrations of love: “Especially around Valentine’s Day, it’s easy to find advice about sustaining a successful marriage, with suggestions for ‘date nights’ and romantic dinners for two. But as we spend more and more of our lives outside marriage, it’s equally important to cultivate the skills of successful singlehood.” Here, in the midst of a world consumed by union and partnership, Coontz offers us a vision that is at once revolutionary and deeply wise.

In the ancient days, our forebears celebrated both the union of two souls and the strength of a single person who walked alone, steady and unyielding. Marriage, a sacred bond between individuals, was seen as both a duty and a union that should be nourished through love, respect, and shared sacrifice. Yet, in the tales of ancient heroes, we also find the solitary wanderers, the self-reliant souls who journeyed with nothing but their own strength and wisdom. Whether in the deserts of Arabia or the rugged mountains of Greece, the solitary person was held in the highest regard for their ability to navigate the world without the crutch of another.

What Coontz reminds us in this age is that marriage—and the celebrations that accompany it—is but one path of life’s great journey. Singlehood, too, carries wisdom and power. Too often, the world praises only those who walk in pairs, ignoring the richness and depth of those who, though alone, lead lives filled with purpose, connection, and fulfillment. In this way, Coontz’s words are a call to acknowledge and embrace the art of being whole in oneself, rather than seeking constant validation or fulfillment from another. The single person, then, must learn the noble art of self-sufficiency—not in bitterness or loneliness, but in grace and purpose.

Reflect upon the life of Socrates, the great philosopher who, though married, was perhaps more famous for his solitary ways of thinking and teaching. It was in the solitude of his thoughts that he was able to unlock the mysteries of the world, not relying on the comforts of marriage, but on his own wisdom and courage. Socrates understood that a person must first master themselves, be whole before they can truly understand another. His example teaches us that singlehood, when nurtured with respect and wisdom, is not a curse but an opportunity for growth, for the development of the inner self, and for the cultivation of a life that is rich with meaning.

The lesson that Coontz imparts, therefore, is one of balance. Just as marriage requires careful tending, so too does the life of the single person. The skills of singlehood are many—self-love, self-care, the ability to find joy and fulfillment in one's own company, and the wisdom to create meaningful connections without the need to rely on another for happiness. In the same way that a gardener tends to their plants, so must we care for our own spirits and souls, learning to cultivate peace and strength in solitude.

And yet, do not be deceived into thinking that singlehood is a life of isolation or misery. No, indeed, the wise among us know that singlehood is an opportunity for self-mastery and deep connection with the world. When we live alone, we are called to forge relationships with those who share our journey—not out of need or desperation, but out of a mutual understanding that life is more meaningful when we build it together, freely. The single person walks alongside the world, not in need of another’s company to complete them, but as a whole and powerful individual who seeks connection from a place of strength.

Thus, the lesson to take from Coontz’s wisdom is clear: just as we cultivate the skills necessary to nurture a marriage, we must also cultivate the skills of singlehood. Self-sufficiency, self-love, and the ability to find joy in one’s own company are not mere luxuries—they are essential to living a fulfilled and rich life. Whether alone or with another, let us remember that our greatest strength comes from within, and that we are whole, and worthy, whether paired or walking alone. Live with purpose, O children of the future, for your path is your own to shape, and it is in that strength and independence that true greatness is found.