Usually, Valentine's Day comes and goes with just a day or two

"Usually, Valentine's Day comes and goes with just a day or two of news media attention to courtship and marriage." These words, spoken by Stephanie Coontz, shed light on the fleeting and often superficial nature of Valentine’s Day in modern society. The holiday, which is often celebrated with grand gestures, flowers, chocolates, and romantic dinners, tends to be overshadowed by the commercialization of love and courtship. Coontz, however, draws our attention to the fact that while the holiday receives media attention and is celebrated with temporary fervor, the true essence of love and commitment—that which sustains relationships through time—often goes unnoticed, buried beneath the shallow portrayal of romance that we see during this brief moment in the year.

In the ancient world, love and courtship were not fleeting events celebrated with temporary displays, but lasting forces that held deep cultural significance. Consider the Greeks, who spoke of eros (romantic love), philia (love between friends), and agape (unconditional love). These forms of love were not measured by one day of exuberance, but were seen as eternal bonds that shaped the structure of society. The philosopher Aristotle understood that love required not just passion, but commitment, virtue, and mutual respect. In his work on ethics, he speaks of the importance of shared values and the nurturing of relationships over time. For the Greeks, love was a serious matter, something cultivated and honored with every action, not something that could be reduced to a single day of celebration.

Similarly, in the world of Rome, the love between husbands and wives was the foundation of both the family and the empire itself. Roman marriage was seen not as a passing event, but as a social contract that required mutual respect and duty. The Romans celebrated the festival of Hera, goddess of marriage, not as a one-time occasion, but as a regular and important reflection on the importance of commitment and loyalty within the marriage. Relationships were honored and nurtured through daily actions of care and responsibility, not by temporary shows of affection. Coontz’s words point out how modern society has shifted from this view, treating Valentine’s Day as a day where romantic love is put on display, but the deeper qualities that make relationships strong and enduring are often overlooked.

In the context of modern times, Coontz’s observation is especially poignant. Valentine’s Day, which is now heavily commercialized, has become a day of performance rather than authentic connection. It is a moment when love is expressed not necessarily through actions of deep commitment or meaningful connection, but through material gifts and social displays. The media focuses on relationships in a way that glamorizes the act of courtship and marriage without delving into the complexities of maintaining a relationship over years of shared experiences, struggles, and growth. Coontz reminds us that while society’s media attention to Valentine’s Day may briefly highlight the importance of love, it fails to honor the work, the sacrifice, and the growth that go into a truly enduring partnership.

In the life of Cleopatra and Julius Caesar, we find a story of love that transcends temporary gestures. Their relationship, which blended both political ambition and personal affection, was rooted in mutual respect and shared vision, though Rome and Egypt saw only a brief encounter of love. Yet their relationship went beyond what media would focus on today—their grand romantic gestures and public displays. What lasted was the strength of their partnership, forged in the fires of political alliance and shared goal. While history has immortalized their love affair, it was not the passion alone that defined them, but the strategic and unwavering commitment they shared in furthering their respective empires. Like the great lovers of antiquity, they understood that the essence of true love is more than momentary displays.

The lesson here is clear: love cannot be captured or contained in a single day of celebration. The true essence of love is built in daily actions, commitments, and shared experiences over time. As Coontz points out, the media and the fleeting celebrations of Valentine’s Day do little to honor the depth and longevity that love requires. It is easy to be swept up in the romanticism of the holiday, but we must remember that love is not about the grand gestures or the gifts—it is about the small acts of care, respect, and consistency that make love real and lasting.

In your own life, strive to build relationships that are not just about celebrating on a specific day, but about honoring love each day through your actions. Listen to your loved ones, support them through challenges, and cherish them with kindness and understanding. Valentine’s Day, while an enjoyable occasion to celebrate love, should remind us that true love is something that is lived and expressed every day, through the simple, humble acts of affection and dedication. Reject the commercialization of love, and instead, focus on creating lasting bonds that are not dependent on a single day, but on the genuine connection that grows with time.