Valentine's Day is a perfect time to reject the idea that the

"Valentine's Day is a perfect time to reject the idea that the ideal man is taller, richer, more knowledgeable, more renowned, or more powerful." These words, spoken by Stephanie Coontz, speak to the timeless struggle between societal expectations and the true essence of love. In an era when the ideal of the perfect partner is often shaped by superficial measures of status, wealth, and power, Coontz calls for a rejection of these shallow ideals and a return to the heart of authentic human connection. She reminds us that the true value of a person cannot be measured by their height, their bank account, or their fame, but by the depth of their character, the strength of their empathy, and the sincerity of their love.

In ancient cultures, heroes were celebrated not for their material wealth or power, but for their virtue and courage. Take, for example, the legendary Achilles of Greek mythology. While his strength and skill in battle were unmatched, it was his internal struggle, his loyalty to his friends, and his sense of honor that defined him as a true hero. His story, like many others in ancient lore, teaches us that greatness lies not in external trappings, but in the nobility of spirit and the sacrifice one is willing to make for others. The love and respect that others held for him came not from his physical prowess alone but from his integrity, his bravery, and his willingness to fight for what was right.

Similarly, in the ancient world, romantic love was often defined by much deeper qualities than just wealth or appearance. The Romans, for instance, had a concept of love that celebrated mutual respect and companionship, as seen in the union of Marcus Aurelius and his wife Faustina, who were partners in both marriage and the governance of their empire. Their relationship was not based on power, but on the partnership and mutual care they shared. It is these qualities that Coontz emphasizes in her quote—love built on connection, not on a comparison of wealth, status, or dominance.

As Coontz points out, Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to reflect on these ideals. We are often bombarded by images of the perfect man in society—tall, muscular, wealthy, and commanding. These ideals, though prevalent, are not the foundation of true love. In fact, they often distract from the qualities that truly nourish a relationship: empathy, honesty, kindness, and the ability to connect on a deep emotional and intellectual level. When we fixate on outward appearances and material success, we lose sight of what truly makes a person lovable. In the end, it is not wealth or fame that makes a relationship thrive; it is compassion, understanding, and a shared commitment to growing together.

Consider the relationship between Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. At first, Mr. Darcy appears to be the epitome of wealth, status, and external power. Yet, through the course of their relationship, it becomes clear that it is his character, his growth, and his genuine affection for Elizabeth that make him a true partner. The love between Elizabeth and Darcy transcends superficial qualities, demonstrating that the essence of a successful relationship lies in the connection between souls, not in material measurements of success. The true ideal partner is one who listens, understands, and grows with you—qualities that remain constant, even as external circumstances shift.

The lesson here, then, is profound. As Coontz suggests, it is time to reject the societal pressures that tell us love must be based on surface-level attributes. True love, and the ideal partner, cannot be quantified by external standards of wealth, appearance, or power. Instead, love thrives in the depth of the relationship—the shared moments, the sacrifices, and the mutual respect that are built over time. In our own lives, we must learn to value character, empathy, and compassion over status and wealth. When we do, we create relationships that are not only fulfilling, but enduring, founded on the very essence of what it means to love and be loved.

In the end, let Valentine’s Day be a reminder to focus on the qualities that truly matter in a relationship. Instead of being swayed by superficial ideals, let us celebrate love that is built on respect, kindness, and emotional connection. Let us reject the notion that love can be reduced to a checklist of external achievements, and instead honor the love that is built on honesty, growth, and shared experiences. True love is not about finding the "perfect" partner according to society’s standards, but about finding someone whose soul resonates with yours—a connection that transcends the physical and the material, and reaches deep into the heart.