I'm certain that most couples expect to find intimacy in

In the hallowed halls of wisdom, where the truth of human existence is carefully guarded, there exists a powerful reality about love and marriage. James Dobson, a sage in the realm of relationships, speaks with the clarity of one who has seen the hearts of many, and his words ring true across time: "I'm certain that most couples expect to find intimacy in marriage, but it somehow eludes them." These words are not just a passing thought but a deep reflection on the nature of human connection, the yearning for closeness, and the often unnoticed distance that grows between two people despite their vows.

Intimacy—the closeness, the shared vulnerability, the tender unity that should bind a marriage—has become the gold that many seek in the realm of marriage, yet it often seems to slip through their fingers like sand. When two souls unite in the sacred bond of marriage, they expect, perhaps even demand, that they will find closeness in its purest form. They imagine nights of soft conversations, mornings filled with laughter, and a deep connection that transcends the superficialities of the world. Yet, as Dobson wisely observes, intimacy remains just out of reach for many, like a fruit that ripens but falls before it can be tasted.

Consider the tale of Pyramus and Thisbe, the ancient lovers of whom we are told in the Metamorphoses by Ovid. Though their love was pure and their longing for intimacy and union undeniable, they were kept apart by the walls of their respective families. Even as their love grew, they were thwarted by forces beyond their control, their desire for closeness denied by fate itself. Pyramus and Thisbe meet a tragic end, not because of a lack of love, but because they were unable to achieve true intimacy, hindered by barriers beyond their ability to overcome. Their story is not just the tale of lovers but a warning that even the most powerful of loves, when faced with miscommunication, misunderstanding, or the weight of external pressures, may find true intimacy elusive.

In marriage, as in the tale of Pyramus and Thisbe, external factors often rise up to separate the couple’s hearts. The stress of everyday life, the burden of responsibilities, the expectations of society, all these things weave a web that makes intimacy difficult to attain. Many couples, even those who are deeply in love, find themselves caught in a vicious cycle of routine, where physical proximity does not lead to emotional closeness. Instead, they live beside each other, sharing a life yet standing at an emotional distance, each longing for something deeper, something more, yet unable to find it.

The ancient wisdom of Socrates reminds us that true knowledge is not gained merely through the intellect, but through the intimate exchange of souls, through dialogue, and through the sharing of our most vulnerable selves. He taught that without genuine connection, no union could truly be whole. In the same way, the intimacy that marriages seek cannot be built solely on physical presence or shared tasks. It must be built on a foundation of trust, where both partners are free to show their weaknesses, their fears, and their dreams without judgment. It is in this vulnerability that true intimacy is formed, but in the absence of it, the marriage can falter, leaving one or both partners feeling alone.

The lesson we must learn from Dobson's words is not that intimacy is impossible in marriage, but that it is a delicate thing, one that requires constant nurturing, vulnerability, and self-awareness. In the quiet moments of daily life, the space between partners must be filled with connection, not just through words, but through actions, through understanding, and through compassion. Without this, even the strongest of marriages can begin to erode, leaving both individuals yearning for something more, yet unable to attain it.

Thus, let us take these lessons and apply them in our own lives. If we seek intimacy in our relationships, we must be willing to do the work necessary to create it. It is not enough to simply share a bed or a life; we must also share our hearts, our vulnerabilities, and our deepest fears. Let us speak openly and listen deeply. Let us prioritize one another in a world full of distractions, and let us not allow the pressures of life to build walls between us. True intimacy is not an accident but a creation, one that requires intention, effort, and the willingness to see and be seen by the one we love.

The road to intimacy is long and often difficult, but it is a journey worth taking. It begins with the courage to be open, to expose our hearts to another, and to allow them to do the same. It requires patience—not the passive waiting of time, but the active, deliberate commitment to grow closer with each passing day. And in this, we may find not only the intimacy we seek but the deep connection that forms the very foundation of a life shared together.