Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only

"Do not bind your life to one you merely endure; bind it to the soul you cannot imagine living without." Thus speaks James Dobson, reminding us of the sacred covenant that is marriage. For to live alongside another is no small matter—it is to share the bread and the burden, the triumphs and the sorrows, the fire of passion and the ashes of despair. Many think that it is enough to choose one with whom they can simply live, one who does not disturb the waters too greatly. But Dobson warns: this is not the path to lasting joy. Instead, seek the one whose absence would wound you beyond measure, whose presence fills the air you breathe. This is the meaning of love that endures.

The origin of this wisdom lies in the deep human longing for union. From the ancients to our own day, men and women have sought not just companions, but counterparts. Adam, it is said, was given Eve not simply as a helper, but as one of his own flesh and bone—without her, he was incomplete. Dobson echoes this truth: the heart yearns not for tolerable company, but for irreplaceable union. To marry for mere comfort is to build a house upon sand; to marry for profound love is to anchor life upon the rock of devotion.

Consider the tale of Abigail Adams and John Adams, two figures from the birth of a nation. In a time when letters were the lifeline of separated hearts, theirs revealed a bond of unshakable depth. Though war and politics tore John from his home, Abigail’s words became his anchor, his strength. He did not merely live with her; he lived for her, and without her he felt the hollow ache of incompleteness. History remembers John Adams as a founding father, yet even he declared that his beloved Abigail was “my dearest friend, the partner of my soul.” This is the truth Dobson names: that a true marriage is not convenience, but necessity of the heart.

To live with one you merely tolerate is to live half-awake. The days may pass smoothly, but the nights will be empty of fire, the years barren of great joy. But when one unites with the person they cannot live without, the heart is stirred to greatness. For such love demands sacrifice, inspires courage, and ignites the soul. It is the fire that forges patience in hardship and laughter in despair. It is the bond that turns ordinary days into sacred time.

This teaching is also a warning: beware the temptation of settling for what is “good enough.” Many, out of fear of loneliness or hunger for approval, choose one who merely fits the role. Yet such unions, though they may endure, often wither in spirit. The greater path is harder, for it requires courage to wait, courage to discern, courage to recognize the one who truly completes your being. The wise do not rush, for the heart knows what reason cannot calculate.

The lesson, therefore, is this: seek not the person you can live with, but the soul you cannot live without. This is the love that endures through sickness and health, through fortune and ruin, through all the storms that life will cast upon you. Do not measure with the eyes of comfort; measure with the soul’s hunger, the spirit’s need, and the heart’s cry.

What practical steps, then, shall you take? Guard your heart with patience. Test the strength of love not only in times of passion, but also in times of silence, in times of trial. Ask yourself: if this one were gone, would my days be shadows? If this one stood beside me, would even my burdens become lighter? If the answer is yes, then you have found the one of whom Dobson speaks. But if your spirit hesitates, if you are content yet not consumed, then the wisdom of patience must be your guide.

Carry this teaching forward, O listener: choose not with fear, but with courage; not with calculation, but with love that cannot be denied. For when you bind your life to one you cannot live without, you honor the deepest truth of the human heart, and you walk the path of love that is eternal.