In marriage there are no manners to keep up, and beneath the

“In marriage there are no manners to keep up, and beneath the wildest accusations no real criticism. Each is familiar with that ancient child in the other who may erupt again. We are not ridiculous to ourselves. We are ageless. That is the luxury of the wedding ring.” So wrote Enid Bagnold, unveiling with poetic clarity the deep mystery of wedded life. Her words do not speak of marriage as society’s polite performance, nor as a prison of duties, but as a sanctuary where masks may fall away and the soul may breathe in its naked truth. For in marriage, one dares to be wholly known, flaws and all, and yet still cherished.

The meaning of her words rests on a paradox: that the place of greatest intimacy is also the place of greatest vulnerability. In public, we cloak ourselves in manners, disguises, and rehearsed speech. But within the bond of marriage, these adornments are stripped away, and the child within each of us—the one who cries, laughs, and stumbles without shame—finds safety. This child, so often hidden from the world, is known to the beloved, and though it may “erupt” in anger or in folly, it does not bring destruction. Instead, it deepens understanding, for here no outburst is taken as a final judgment, but only as the passing storm of the human heart.

Bagnold reminds us that in such a bond, accusations are not fatal, for beneath them lies the bedrock of love. A quarrel may rage, words may wound, but no true criticism lingers, for the beloved is not an adversary but a mirror of one’s own soul. This is why she declares, “We are not ridiculous to ourselves.” Before the eyes of the world, one may fear humiliation, but before the eyes of one’s spouse, even the most awkward or foolish gesture becomes safe. It is as though within the circle of the wedding ring, dignity is never truly lost, for the covenant preserves the worth of both.

Consider the story of Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt. Their marriage was far from easy; storms of betrayal and difference shook it again and again. Yet even in such turbulence, they remained bound, not merely for appearance’s sake, but because they knew each other beyond the world’s gaze. Their partnership, tested by trials both personal and political, endured because in the hidden chambers of their bond, the essential childlike humanity of each was understood. Their story shows that true marriage is not perfection, but recognition—the recognition of what lies beneath, eternal and unpolished.

This is why Bagnold speaks of being ageless. Within marriage, the wrinkles of time, the changes of fortune, the follies of youth and age—all dissolve into insignificance. To the beloved, one remains not a decaying body but an eternal companion. The luxury of the wedding ring is precisely this: it grants the soul a refuge from time itself. The world may age us, but within the sacred circle of union, we are forever young to one another, because we see not the surface, but the essence.

What lesson, then, shall we carry? That the true luxury of love is not wealth, nor pleasure, nor status, but the freedom to be one’s truest self without fear of ridicule. To those who marry, this is both gift and responsibility: to hold the child in one’s partner with gentleness, never using knowledge of their weakness as a weapon, but as a bond of trust. To those who are yet unmarried, it is a reminder: choose not merely for beauty or fortune, but for one before whom you can be unmasked, unguarded, and unashamed.

Practical wisdom follows: in daily life, practice the art of dropping your mask with those you love. Show patience when the hidden child of your partner emerges in anger or in play. Do not let quarrels become curses; let them instead be the storms that clear the air. Protect one another from ridicule, even in jest, and honor the covenant of trust that the wedding ring symbolizes. In doing so, you will partake in that true luxury of love: to be seen wholly, and still to be cherished.

Thus Enid Bagnold’s words shine as a lamp for all who walk the path of union. Marriage is no performance, but a sacred circle, where the deepest selves meet and endure. And within that circle, time itself loses its sting, for love makes us ageless, and the heart of the child remains forever alive.