Jealousy is unavoidable - it's part of the price we pay for

In the tender and truthful words of Rachel Simmons, “Jealousy is unavoidable — it’s part of the price we pay for intimacy.” These words touch the very core of human emotion, for they remind us that where there is love, there is also fear — the fear of loss, of comparison, of not being enough. Jealousy, though often despised, is no stranger to the heart. It is the shadow cast by affection, the tremor that follows closeness. In saying it is unavoidable, Simmons does not condemn us for feeling it; rather, she invites us to understand it — to see it not as a flaw in love, but as a sign of our longing to be seen, cherished, and secure.

The origin of this quote lies in Simmons’s lifelong work exploring the complexities of emotion, relationships, and self-worth, particularly among the young. She has spoken often of how our culture teaches us to fear jealousy, to hide it as though it were a mark of weakness. But in truth, she recognizes it as part of what makes intimacy so fragile and profound. To love is to open oneself to vulnerability — to bind your happiness, however slightly, to another’s presence. And in that act of surrender, jealousy becomes the quiet toll we pay for closeness. It whispers, “What if this bond breaks? What if I am no longer chosen?” It is painful, yes — but it is also deeply human.

From the dawn of time, philosophers and poets have wrestled with this emotion. The ancients spoke of jealousy as a two-headed serpent — one head born of love, the other of pride. For when we care deeply, the thought of losing what we love shakes us. Yet, when our love is tangled with ego, jealousy can become a storm that blinds us. Rachel Simmons reminds us that to feel it is natural, but to let it rule us is dangerous. True intimacy demands not perfection of emotion, but wisdom — the ability to recognize one’s jealousy, understand its roots, and transform it into compassion rather than control.

Consider the story of Othello, the Moor of Venice, whose love for Desdemona was pure yet poisoned by the whisper of envy. His jealousy, kindled by deceit and pride, grew until it consumed both his heart and his beloved’s life. Shakespeare, through Othello’s tragedy, reveals the peril of unchecked emotion: when love’s shadow is denied, it grows monstrous. But even in this darkness lies a warning, not of love’s folly, but of human frailty. Jealousy, as Simmons says, is the price of intimacy — but when we refuse to face it, that price becomes ruinous. To master love, one must also learn to master its fears.

Yet there are gentler stories, too — stories of those who faced jealousy with grace. Think of Eleanor Roosevelt, who endured her husband Franklin’s infidelity with dignity and depth of spirit. Her letters reveal not bitterness, but understanding — a heart wounded, yet expansive enough to turn pain into purpose. Through sorrow, she grew in wisdom, channeling her energy into compassion for others. She transformed jealousy into empathy, intimacy into strength. Her life teaches us that though emotion cannot be avoided, it can be transcended — that the very feelings which wound us can, through courage, become the forge of character.

Simmons’s words are a call for honesty. Too often, we strive for perfect love — untainted by doubt, untouched by envy — and in doing so, we deny our humanity. To love truly is not to feel no jealousy, but to confront it with gentleness. When it rises, we must ask ourselves: What does this feeling reveal? Often, it shows not mistrust of another, but insecurity within ourselves. It teaches us where we are fragile, where we crave reassurance. Thus, jealousy becomes not an enemy, but a teacher — one that calls us to greater self-knowledge and deeper compassion.

The lesson, then, is this: do not fear jealousy, but seek to understand it. When it stirs, do not let it drive you to anger or silence. Instead, name it, speak it, and let it soften into vulnerability. For it is through honesty, not denial, that intimacy deepens. Remember that love without risk is not love, but comfort — and comfort, though safe, never transforms the soul. True closeness is earned through courage: the courage to be open, imperfect, and real.

So let the words of Rachel Simmons echo like an ancient truth — that every bond worth keeping bears a cost, and jealousy is part of that toll. Accept it not as poison, but as proof: proof that your heart still cares, that your soul still dares to love. The wise do not flee from such emotions; they transmute them into understanding. For when love is joined with awareness, intimacy becomes not a battlefield, but a sanctuary — a place where even our fears, when met with kindness, are turned into light.