The fact is that love is of two kinds, one which commands, and

"The fact is that love is of two kinds, one which commands, and one which obeys. The two are quite distinct, and the passion to which the one gives rise is not the passion of the other." These words, spoken by the great Honoré de Balzac, delve into the complexities of love—a force that, though often seen as a singular, all-encompassing emotion, is in fact divided into two distinct forms. The love that commands and the love that obeys are not simply two sides of the same coin, but two entirely different passions, each with its own unique nature, power, and expression. The passion that arises from each is fundamentally different, as one is driven by power and authority, while the other is driven by submission and devotion.

In the days of ancient philosophers, love was often dissected into various forms. Plato spoke of Eros, the passionate love that seeks beauty and fulfillment through union, and Philia, the love of friendship and camaraderie that bonds individuals in shared values and experiences. Yet, Balzac’s distinction brings us even deeper into the nature of human relationships—into the realm of dominance and submission, forces that play out in the most intimate corners of our hearts. The love that commands is like a force that dominates the will of another, while the love that obeys is one that surrenders, that chooses to yield to the will of another. And these two forms of love give rise to very different emotions and passions.

Let us explore the nature of the love that commands. This form of love is not necessarily negative, for power and leadership can be exercised with wisdom and compassion. It is the love that commands because it is rooted in strength and authority, one that gives direction and protection. The love that commands can be seen in the dynamic between a leader and those who follow, where the one who commands is revered, admired, and often even worshipped. Alexander the Great offers a compelling example of such a love. His authority as a conqueror was absolute, and his followers, deeply loyal to him, were bound by love and respect. This love, however, was not built on equality or mutual submission but on his ability to lead with unmatched charisma and vision. Those who loved him obeyed not out of weakness, but out of deep reverence for his strength, leadership, and ability to shape the world. The passion that arose from this was one of devotion and admiration, a powerful, fiery emotion that propelled armies into battle, built empires, and changed the course of history.

On the other hand, the love that obeys is marked by submission, but not in the sense of weakness. It is a love that is often born of tenderness, humility, and a desire to serve. The one who loves in this way does so not from a position of weakness, but from a place of strength in their own identity. This love is a form of devotion that seeks to uplift the beloved, to support, and to honor them through selflessness and humility. Cleopatra’s love for Julius Caesar and later for Mark Antony offers an insightful example. As a queen, she was a leader in her own right, yet her love for Caesar and Antony was marked by her willingness to support and align herself with them. Her love did not demand command; it sought to unify, to serve, and to bring greatness to those she loved. The passion that arose from her love was one of loyalty and nurturing—a passion that gave rise to alliances and destinies that shaped the course of history.

In contrast to these two forms of love, Balzac’s insight into the distinction between the passion of command and the passion of obedience calls us to reflect on how these forms of love manifest in our own lives. Each of us, in different ways, experiences both forms of love—whether in our relationships, our friendships, or our work. Some may find themselves in the role of the one who commands, while others may embrace the role of the one who obeys. Yet, it is essential to understand that neither is inherently superior to the other; rather, both are essential to the balance of human connection. In fact, the love that commands and the love that obeys must coexist for harmony to be achieved. It is in this balance that we find the most fulfilling relationships, whether they are of a romantic, familial, or professional nature.

The lesson that Balzac offers is one of understanding and acceptance of these two distinct forms of love. In our own lives, we must ask ourselves: Are we truly able to recognize when we are called to lead and when we are called to follow? Are we able to command with wisdom and strength, and are we also able to submit with grace and humility? Both roles require great strength, but in different forms. To be the one who commands requires confidence and vision, while to be the one who obeys requires trust and a willingness to serve. Each of us must cultivate both of these qualities, recognizing the right moments when to lead and when to surrender, knowing that in each case, true love is being expressed.

Therefore, as we navigate our relationships and roles in life, we must embrace the balance between command and obedience. Let us lead with compassion and honor those who follow us, and let us also recognize when to surrender ourselves in service to others, trusting that in both cases, we are engaging in the highest form of love. For love, whether it commands or obeys, is a force that shapes our world and our souls, and it is through understanding its power in both forms that we find fulfillment, strength, and harmony.