There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly
There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship.
In the quiet chambers of human life, the deepest solace is often found not in grand gestures, but in the steady presence of those who share our daily journey. Iris Murdoch speaks to this enduring truth when she declares, “There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship.” These words illuminate the sacred value of constancy and familiarity, showing that true peace often resides not in passion or spectacle, but in the reliability of presence and shared understanding.
To cherish the taken-for-granted relationship is to recognize the hidden strength in what is constant. Murdoch teaches that the relationships we may overlook — the companion who quietly shares our burdens, the friend who offers counsel without expectation, the partner whose support is unwavering — are the vessels through which life’s deepest comfort flows. The ancients understood this well, knowing that the ordinary and habitual often sustains the soul more than the extraordinary.
The comfort of such bonds lies in their predictability and trust. In a world of uncertainty and fleeting joys, the reliability of another’s presence offers stability and reassurance. Murdoch’s insight reminds us that intimacy is not solely built upon romance or grandeur, but upon the quiet acknowledgment that someone is steadfastly beside us, lending strength and peace without demand or ceremony.
The origin of this wisdom is ancient, rooted in the teachings of sages and poets who observed the rhythms of human life. From the families and communities of early civilizations to the philosophers of Greece and the contemplative monks of the East, all recognized that enduring support, even when unremarkable or overlooked, forms the foundation of happiness. Murdoch’s reflection is a modern echo of this timeless truth: constancy, not spectacle, is the heart of true human connection.
Thus, let this teaching endure: treasure the taken-for-granted relationships that surround you, for they are the sources of deep comfort and resilience. In the ordinary presence of another, the soul finds its anchor, and life’s burdens are rendered lighter. Even when unnoticed, such constancy sustains the spirit, revealing that the simplest bonds are often the most profound and enduring.
MXMai Xuan
Murdoch’s words resonate deeply when thinking about how we often overlook the most important relationships in our lives. The ones that are always steady and dependable. But it also makes me think: is it possible that taking these relationships for granted can erode their value over time? How do we balance the comfort of knowing someone is always there with the need to show appreciation before it’s too late?
TNNguyen Thanh Nhan
I love how Iris Murdoch captures the quiet but powerful nature of relationships that are simply 'there.' The comfort they provide often goes unnoticed because it’s so constant. But, is it possible for a relationship to be too comfortable? Can a relationship that feels 'taken-for-granted' ever grow, or does it risk becoming stagnant over time?
XTXuan Tram
This quote really made me think about the kind of relationships I have that provide a sense of security. It’s easy to take them for granted because they feel so reliable and unchanging. But, how can we avoid the danger of taking these relationships too much for granted? What can we do to ensure we don’t lose that comfort due to neglect or routine?
PAPhan Anh
Iris Murdoch’s quote highlights something really subtle, yet so essential in human relationships: the feeling of safety that comes from knowing someone will always be there. But does this comfort lead to complacency in relationships? Can we risk taking that sense of security for granted, or is that what makes the relationship even stronger, knowing it doesn’t need constant attention to remain comforting?
NHNguyenthi Hoa
This quote really speaks to me because it reflects the unspoken yet profound comfort that often exists in relationships we don’t have to constantly work to maintain. It makes me think about how easily we can take these relationships for granted. What do you think — can we truly sustain that comfort over time, or do we risk losing it if we don’t actively nurture those connections?