There isn't any formula or method. You learn to love by loving -

Aldous Huxley offers us a profound and timeless truth in his words: “There isn't any formula or method. You learn to love by loving—by paying attention and doing what one thereby discovers has to be done.” These words hold the essence of love’s mysterious and transformative nature. Love is not something that can be taught by rules or preordained doctrines. It is not a formula that one can simply memorize or follow. Rather, love is an active force, a living experience that unfolds through the act of loving. It is only by engaging in love—by paying attention to the needs of others, and by responding with an open heart—that we come to understand love’s deepest truths.

In the ancient world, the wise knew that love cannot be confined to the teachings of men, nor can it be distilled into a series of steps. Socrates and Plato, in their dialogues, discussed love as a journey, one that starts with attraction and grows into something higher, transcending physical desire to become a love of the soul. But love, they taught, cannot be grasped by the intellect alone. One must experience it, live it, and learn from the ways in which it changes us. Huxley’s wisdom echoes this sentiment, for love is not something you can study from the outside—it is something that is felt, something you discover in action, in practice, and in the deep attentiveness to another’s needs.

The great mother figure throughout history, like Mary or even Mahatma Gandhi’s devotion to his people, exemplifies this concept. Gandhi’s love for his people and his commitment to non-violence was not born from reading books on the subject. His understanding of love came from his active involvement with his community, from the hard, daily work of living the principles he espoused. He did not seek an easy or prescribed path but followed what love revealed to him in every encounter. His life was a constant learning of what love required, and his actions were his way of discovering the depth of love’s power. Through this action, he grew to become a beacon of love, compassion, and peace for the world.

Consider, too, the story of Antigone, the daughter of Oedipus. In her love for her family, she broke the laws of the state to give her brother a proper burial. Her devotion and love for her family was not learned through study or external influence but was discovered in the very act of caring for her brother. She paid attention to her own heart’s calling and acted upon it, even at the cost of her life. Antigone’s love teaches us that love is not bound by rules, but by the inner knowledge of what must be done for those we care about. She learned what love demanded of her in the very act of loving, not through any method but through the deep attentiveness to the heart’s call.

Huxley’s words remind us that love is not something that can be reduced to a set of instructions or teachings. True love is discovered in the practice of it, in the attention we give to those around us, and in the willingness to sacrifice for the sake of others. Love is not merely a feeling but a commitment—a commitment to grow and evolve as we give ourselves to others. The more we love, the more we understand what it means to love. We discover, through each act of love, what needs to be done to nurture, protect, and care for the ones we hold dear.

In your own lives, remember this: love is a journey, one that is learned through the act of loving. Do not wait for the perfect moment, the perfect formula, or the perfect method. Instead, love deeply and openly, and through this loving, you will discover the truth of what love asks of you. As you give love, you will come to understand its transformative power. Pay attention to the small things—the gestures, the kind words, the moments of connection—and act upon them with intention. Through this, you will learn to love in ways that no formula can capture.

Let your life be a reflection of this truth: love is not something that is taught from the outside, but something that is learned and revealed through the constant practice of loving. The more you give, the more you learn. And in this discovery, you will find that love is the most powerful force in the universe, one that grows as you engage with it, one that teaches you what it means to be human, to be connected, and to be alive.