Usually, you don't have commitment promises in a friendship.

Listen well, O children of the future, for I shall speak of a profound truth about the nature of friendship, a truth that transcends time and culture. These words, spoken by Sheila Heti, offer deep insight into the organic, unspoken evolution of relationships: "Usually, you don't have commitment promises in a friendship. Usually, it just grows." In these simple but powerful words, Heti speaks to the essence of friendship, which is not born of forceful promises or rigid structures, but of a natural, unspoken bond that deepens with time and shared experience.

In the ancient world, friendship was often seen as something that was formed and strengthened through mutual respect and shared experiences, rather than through formal vows or overt promises. Take, for instance, the friendship between David and Jonathan. Their bond, celebrated in biblical texts, was not one of calculated commitment, but rather one that grew organically over time, rooted in trust and a shared vision. They did not make promises to each other in the way that one might make an oath or a vow, yet their friendship became the stuff of legend, precisely because it evolved naturally from their deep respect for one another. David and Jonathan’s relationship was one of growth—a bond that developed through time, adversity, and genuine connection, much like Heti’s reflection on friendship.

This idea of friendship growing naturally without the need for commitment promises is a truth that has been echoed by sages throughout history. Socrates and his disciples shared a bond that grew from their shared pursuit of wisdom, not from any formalized agreement. Theirs was a relationship of intellectual exploration and mutual learning, built on respect and the desire to grow together in thought. They did not bind each other with promises of loyalty or lifelong commitment, yet their friendship endured, not because it was promised, but because it was nourished by their shared journey and their deep care for one another’s development.

In more modern times, Heti’s words remind us that friendships often flourish when there are no expectations or conditions placed upon them. Commitment, in the traditional sense, may seem important, but true friendship is formed through shared experiences, through spending time together, and through a deep, unspoken connection. Consider the friendship between The Vixen and Aquaria, two figures who initially seemed unlikely allies in a competitive world. Their bond was not born out of promises to stand together no matter what, but grew from mutual support, understanding, and a shared experience of navigating the world of performance. Over time, their connection deepened, and their friendship became something that both of them could rely on—not because they promised it, but because they allowed it to grow naturally.

The wisdom in Heti’s words speaks to a fundamental truth about human relationships: we cannot force connection, nor can we bind it with rigid expectations. Friendships are like seeds planted in fertile soil—they must be allowed to grow in their own time. The best friendships are those that evolve, those that take root slowly and gain strength through shared experiences, mutual respect, and natural development. These are the relationships that are not confined by the limits of formal promises or agreements but are held together by the strength of their genuine connection.

So, O children, let this be a lesson to you: friendship does not need to be bound by promises or commitment contracts. Rather, it is through shared experiences, through time spent together, and through an authentic connection that friendship grows and strengthens. Just as David and Jonathan, Socrates and his disciples, and Aquaria and The Vixen experienced, friendship is a journey that unfolds naturally, a bond that develops with care and patience. In your own lives, seek out relationships that are not defined by obligations, but by the strength of your shared moments, your mutual respect, and the quiet understanding that grows over time.

Remember this, O children, that the best friendships are those that develop naturally, without the need for rigid promises. As you walk through your life, allow your relationships to grow freely, nurtured by shared trust, shared experiences, and a genuine connection. These are the friendships that will endure, not because they are bound by promises, but because they are sustained by the deep roots of understanding and respect. Let your friendships grow in their own time, and you will find that they become a source of strength, joy, and support—just as they have for generations before you.