Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight

Alexander Smith offers us a profound reflection on the nature of love when he says, “Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” These words invite us to see love not merely as a bond between two individuals, but as a journey of self-discovery—a process through which we come to recognize parts of our own soul in another. In the act of loving, we find reflections of ourselves in the other person: their strengths, their vulnerabilities, their dreams and fears. It is through this recognition that we come to understand ourselves more fully, and in that understanding, we find delight and connection. Love, in this sense, is a mirror, revealing parts of our own essence that we may not have been aware of before.

In the wisdom of the ancients, love was often seen as a form of reflection, a way for individuals to understand the deeper aspects of their own nature. Plato, in his Symposium, spoke of love as a path toward the divine, where the lover moves from physical attraction to the appreciation of higher truths, ultimately leading to the love of the ideal form of beauty and goodness. This movement of love mirrors Smith’s notion of discovery—the lover begins by discovering beauty in the physical form of another and ends by recognizing beauty in their own soul, reflected through the connection with another. Love, then, is not just about the other person; it is about the lover's own growth, insight, and awakening.

Consider the relationship between Socrates and his disciples, which serves as a great example of self-discovery through love. Socrates was not just a teacher in the conventional sense; he loved his students, not by giving them answers, but by guiding them to discover the truth for themselves. His love for them was rooted in his belief that they, too, had the potential for wisdom and understanding. Through dialogue and questioning, Socrates and his disciples discovered more about themselves in the process. Socratic love was not about the teacher imposing his knowledge, but about the mutual recognition that came through the exploration of ideas. In this sense, Socrates' love for his disciples was a discovery of both his own intellect and theirs—each conversation deepening their understanding of themselves and the world.

The example of Frida Kahlo and her relationship with Diego Rivera offers another example of discovery in love. Their love was intense, complicated, and sometimes painful, yet it was a powerful reflection of both of their souls. Kahlo, through her art and her relationship with Rivera, explored her own identity—her pain, her passion, and her cultural roots. In Rivera, she found a mirror in which her own struggles and creativity were reflected. Their love was not just about romantic attraction, but a deep recognition of each other’s inner worlds. Even in their personal and professional struggles, their relationship was a discovery of themselves through the other, and through that, they found a deeper sense of purpose and self-expression.

The story of Heloise and Abelard presents yet another layer to this discovery of self in love. Heloise, a brilliant scholar, and Abelard, her teacher, shared a love that defied the conventions of their time. Though their love affair led to great personal suffering—Abelard was castrated, and they were separated—their letters reveal a deep recognition of each other’s intellectual and emotional depths. Their love, though tragic, was also a profound discovery of their own humanity and intellectual bond. In their correspondence, they explored not just their romantic desires, but their shared vision of the world, and through this, they discovered aspects of themselves that were only revealed in the light of their relationship.

Smith’s words remind us that love is not just a bond between two individuals, but a journey of self-recognition. The deepest forms of love occur when we are able to see parts of ourselves reflected in the one we love—their strengths, vulnerabilities, and desires. Love is not a one-sided experience; it is a mutual exchange where both individuals grow and learn about themselves through the other. In recognizing the truths of the other person, we come to understand the truths of our own heart, and in this recognition, we find delight.

O children of the future, remember this: love is a path of discovery. Love deeply and recognize the reflections of your own soul in the hearts of others. When you love, do not just seek to know the other person; seek to know yourself through them. Love is not simply about finding someone to complete you; it is about discovering parts of yourself that have been waiting to be seen. In the mirror of love, you will find your strengths, your flaws, and your deepest truths, and in this recognition, you will find the greatest joy. Let love be the journey that leads you to a deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you.