Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it

When E. W. Howe remarked, “Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it as is represented in the advertising,” he spoke with a sharp wit that cloaked wisdom in humor. His words pierce through illusion, revealing that marriage, much like the circus, is often clothed in glittering promises, grand spectacles, and dreams of endless delight. Yet when the curtain falls and the banners are taken down, what remains is far less dazzling, and far more ordinary, than the romance once promised. Howe reminds us that expectation often overshadows reality, and disappointment comes not because marriage has no value, but because it was exalted into something it was never meant to be.

The meaning of this quote lies in its contrast between advertising and reality. Just as the circus trumpets wonders beyond imagining—lions leaping through flames, acrobats defying gravity, clowns conjuring endless laughter—so too does society exalt marriage as the pinnacle of joy, the end of loneliness, the key to eternal bliss. But the spectacle fades, and the truth appears: marriage is not constant fireworks, but the daily work of patience, compromise, and endurance. The “advertising” is not entirely false, for marriage can indeed bring joy and wonder—but the grandeur is not constant, and to expect otherwise is to set oneself on the path of disillusion.

The origin of Howe’s words comes from his life as an American editor and writer in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, known for his sardonic humor and keen observations of human nature. Living in an era when marriage was both a social expectation and a romanticized ideal, Howe saw the gap between the dream and the reality. His humor did not aim to mock marriage itself, but to strip away its illusions, encouraging men and women to approach it with sobriety, humility, and clear eyes.

History offers us the story of Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine, whose marriage was heralded with passion and promise. Napoleon, in his letters, spoke of Josephine as his destiny, his star, his entire world. Yet their union, fraught with infidelity, ambition, and disappointment, revealed the truth: the “advertising” had been far more glorious than the lived reality. The circus of their romance dazzled the world, but when the lights dimmed, the tent revealed arguments, betrayals, and disillusion. Their story is a cautionary tale: grandeur may dazzle the beginning, but reality tests the endurance of love.

The wisdom of Howe’s words is not to scorn marriage, but to temper expectations. Those who enter believing in constant romance, endless bliss, or unbroken harmony will soon be disappointed. But those who see marriage as a human union, marked by struggle as well as joy, will find in it not a circus trick but a quiet companionship. The truth is less dazzling than the advertisements, yet more profound: that in the ordinary work of life together—sharing meals, enduring hardship, raising children, forgiving flaws—lies the true strength of the bond.

The lesson here is clear: approach marriage not as one who attends a circus in search of constant entertainment, but as one who undertakes a pilgrimage, knowing the road will be long and sometimes weary, but meaningful. Expect neither endless spectacle nor perfection, but rather the daily chance to grow, to serve, and to love even in the face of imperfection. Do not be deceived by the “advertising” of society or romance novels, for marriage is not a fantasy—it is a reality that demands courage, humility, and sacrifice.

What then must the listener do? Enter marriage with open eyes and a steady heart. Celebrate the joys, but do not despair at the ordinary days. Treasure the moments of laughter, but endure the trials with patience. Seek not constant wonder, but lasting companionship. And above all, build your union not on illusion, but on truth—the truth that love is less about spectacle and more about endurance, less about advertising and more about the daily work of devotion.

Remember always: marriage may not be as grand as the advertising suggests, but it can be greater in ways the advertisements never show. Howe’s wisdom is a call to shed illusion and embrace reality, for in that embrace lies the possibility of a union not dazzling like the circus, but steady, enduring, and profoundly human.